As far as I’m concerned, everything I do is my real life. Some people that I consider good friends are people I’ve never met in person – amazing people like Becky McCray, Jason Falls, Jason’s Dad Chillie, Deb Brown – aw, heck, I could go on for a week. I’ve only met my friend Jon Swanson in person once, last year, for about an hour, at lunch. Before our short meeting, I called him, as we were about to pass through his town. I realized until that moment when he picked up the phone, that I’d never actually talked to him before. Our entire year long friendship, until that second, had happened through written text alone.

These people are my friends. I’ve grown to care about them deeply over the past few years, as much as I care about people that are in my physical space every day. I think they might be a bit put out if I thought that they weren’t part of my “real life”.

So, maybe I can make a deal with you…how’s about we stop using “in real life” to describe our offline relationships? It’s not respectful of our online friends. Cool?

That said, this post is really more about the offline world, as opposed to the online one. Call it my feeble attempt at being ironic.

Where everybody knows your name. Every Friday afternoon, a whole gaggle of geeks converge on a pub downtown for what is affectionately known as #FridayOffice* (go ahead, search the hashtag on Twitter – you’ll see.). It was started by my friend Tom (@wtl), who is a home-based working type of guy, as a way for him to get out of the “office” for an afternoon, have some lunch, and possibly get caught up on a few things. Tom is the fixture of the event, he takes up residence mid-morning and stays around the whole afternoon. Other people drop in and out, grabbing some lunch, maybe a beer, and often hauling out their laptops for a while too. It’s evolved from one guy getting a change of scenery to a weekly tradition.

But #FridayOffice is about much more than beer and lunch. It’s not really that much about work. What it’s really about is community. We go there to get a break from our busy weeks, to socialize, and to connect. Oh sure, lots of us spend time together online during the week…often we’re all floating in each others’ Twitter streams and Facebook walls. We’re reading and commenting on each others’ blogs, and sometimes we’re even working together on projects. But the in-person meet up is a different dynamic altogether. Why? Because it’s real-time. I mean REAL real-time. We get to talk, laugh (and boy, do we laugh!), collaborate, and learn. There’s lots of energy in play, so it’s a place where we can openly discuss issues, come up with ideas, and check in with how people are REALLY doing. Every time I go to #FridayOffice, I come away with something I didn’t have before. I get a lot out of those couple of hours every week. Others do too – that’s why we keep showing up.

Reach out and touch someone. As much as I love connecting to people online, my goal is always, someday, to meet my online friends and colleagues in-person. Why? Because once I’ve had the experience of being in the same room as someone, somehow, our relationship changes a bit. I mean, it’s okay if I don’t get to meet you in person. It doesn’t mean we’re friends any less. But every single time, without fail, that I’ve met one of my online friends in person, I get a whole new perspective on them. They say something like 80% of communication is non-verbal. That means, if I’ve never talked to you face to face, I only sort of know you 20% (and likewise, you only know me that much). Now, it turns out that’s a pretty important 20%, right? After all, I’ve got whole friendships based on that 20%. But once we’ve met, shaken hands (or, more likely hugged, ‘cuz I’m a hugger), and have had some time to SEE how each other is – the way our voices sound, our mannerisms, facial expressions, how we tilt our head to the side or that nervous leg twitch – we get the rest of the story. Instantly, our relationship goes to a different level. We get the full picture of each other.

Meeting in person certainly does NOT discount the friendship we’ve built to that point. But it does add a new layer, and an important one. In person is the reason why the geek community here in Ottawa is so tight knit. We make a point of having meet-ups, and tweet-ups, and going to Third Tuesdays and Social Media Breakfasts and #FridayOffice. We know that our online interactions are critical to making connections, building our friendships and finding new opportunities to do business together. But like my friend Eden (whom I HAVE met in person) says – face to face trumps online, every time.

So…it pays to get out from behind the computer screen once in a while. For as much as your real life can exist here on the Web, the “rest of your life” exists out there.

What are you waiting for?

– #FridayOffice is a registered trademark (well, sort of) of What The Lemur?

For instance, thanks to my offline friend Ray, I am now on the Board of Directors of a fantastic local organization called SAW Video Co-op. SAW is a place where local video artists have access to resources, training and equipment to produce their own independent videos. It’s a super vibrant community. Yes, you can draw some parallels between video geeks (of which I am one) and Internet geeks (of which I am also one), but essentially this is an offline experience for me. I’m participating in in-person meetings. The events I’ll be attending are happening in a self-contained way – people are physically present, unlike a Tweetathon, a webinar, or a Twestival. Some might argue that an organization like SAW could benefit from some of these online experiences, but that’s another post altogether.

Another example of connecting in the offline world occurred last night at my Dad’s 71st birthday party. Other than the fact that my Mom sent an email to us kids to inform us of the time and date of the gathering, the event took place offline. My brother and SIL, my two nephews were there. So were my parents’ close friends, who we consider our aunts and uncles. Everyone was talking all at the same time. We ate birthday pie, and cheescake, and drank vanilla coffee. The kids ran around. I built a Lego house out of the same Lego set we had when I was a kid. My Dad told stories. My Mom giggled in the kitchen with my aunts. We were all there, and present.

We spend so much time cultivating our online relationships that sometimes we forget that there is a whole world out there that is not so dependent on connectivity. My parents, and aunts and uncles, though they sometimes use the Internet, don’t RELY on it for their daily interactions. They still pick up the phone. They even mail letters and cards and stuff once in a while. They spend time together, in the same physical space, if they want to connect with friends.

Connecting with others online over the past few years has been a life altering event for me. I’ve become close friends with people I’d have otherwise never met. I’ve gotten phenomenal new business opportunities. My life has definitely been enriched by my experience, and the Web will undoubtedly continue to play a major role in my life.

However, I am really beginning to appreciate my offline life a lot more. It operates at a much slower pace. It doesn’t require the same kind of immediacy, because people are just more relaxed when they are facing each other. Nothing is left to the imagination when you can see someone’s body language and facial expressions. You get the whole conversation, because you are seeing, and listening, and touching, and ultimately understanding a lot more.

I’m not just talking about moving your online world to your offline. We are being conferenced to death right now – there’s all of these events we can go to where we can meet each other in the flesh. That works well for some, and it’s fine. But look around you. Remember those people you knew before the Internet? They are still there. Pick up the phone. Go knock on their door. Have that experience too.

And, if you are still unsure about the power of connecting in the physical world, watch Matt. Now that’s how you bring people together.

I was reminiscing on Twitter about the four years I spent as part of an a capella quartet. I get a bit nostalgic about it this time of year, as Christmas was our high season…we’d perform Christmas carols at concerts around town, house parties and on street corners in Ottawa’s Byward Market. I happened to tweet something about a vocal ensemble called The King’s Singers, who were such an inspiration to me at that time, mostly because of their song, “New Day”. This is one of the songs that made we want to sing a capella music. Have a listen, I’m sure you’ll see why.

Well, it seems my tweet was seen by none other than Jennifer Covert, someone I met briefly at Podcamp Ottawa this year, and eMarketing Officer at the National Arts Centre. She asked if I was going to The King’s Singers show on Monday night. I confess I had missed that announcement entirely, so I replied that no, I wasn’t, sadly! I went on about my business, and about 20 minutes later received a message from Jennifer saying that she had a couple of extra tickets and was giving them to me! Talk about a wonderful early Christmas gift!

I’ve been thinking a lot about online relationships. Lately, I’ve had a lot of really good experiences with relationship building and I’ve also seen a lot of really good examples of how NOT to build online relationships. Last night, and while I was sitting in the audience listening to the amazing, beautiful, heart-swelling sounds of this amazing vocal ensemble, along with some incredible pieces by the NAC Orchestra, I learned some important lessons about relationship building.

It starts with you. A capella music only works if each person in the ensemble knows exactly what they are doing. This takes a lot of individual work up front. In my quartet, we would get our music and a cassette tape of our part. The first thing we’d do is go home and practice and practice our part until we had it nailed. Only then, would we be able to come back as part of the group and put the pieces together. Last night it was obvious to me that the 6 guys in The King’s Singers know their individual parts so well, they could probably sing them during a hurricane with a tsunami and a tornado at the same time and not miss a note. This means, when they put the pieces together, 6 voices become one. It was an unbelievable experience.

Relationship building works in much the same way. In order to truly be able to build solid relationships online, you must know your own part first. You must know what you have to offer the rest of the network. You must practice, and think, and get focused. Then, you are ready to join the chorus.

Blend, but be unique, too. The King’s Singers are six voices: 2 countertenors (super high), one tenor (high-ish), 2 baritones (low-ish), and one bass (super low). Much of the time, they are all singing different notes. The real power of their sound is when all six different notes come together to sound like one voice. This is a result of their impeccable skill at blending. They are truly one of the best groups in the world at the art of the blend. Blending in a vocal ensemble is extremely difficult to do well. The key is to listen to the other voices, and find where your voice needs to fit in. Not just by singing the right note (which is helpful!) but by adjusting the tone and intonation of your singing to hit just the perfect balance of sound.

At the same time, it’s important not to blend in too much; that can be boring. Each of the men in the group (David, Robin, Paul, Philip, Christopher and Stephen), brings their own unique style and voice to the ensemble. As much as you can hear them as one voice, each of their individual voices makes the whole unique sound come to life. Stephen’s awesome bass resonates in your chest. David and Robin’s fantastic high notes sit up like they are on top of a mountain; refreshing and exhilarating. Paul, Philip and Christopher provide the inner workings – complex harmonies that fill the air and send shivers up your spine.

In our online relationships, blending is crucial. It’s how we get things done. It’s how we are able to come together at events like Podcamps, create incredible projects like 12for12k, and how we are able to successfully co-exist on tools like Twitter. We blend, we merge, we learn, and we move forward. But, at the same time, our networks would be nothing if it wasn’t for the uniqueness of all the voices. We’ve got the high vocals and the low key. We’ve got the nuances and harmonics of the in between. The power of social media is in the sum total of each unique voice. Without that uniqueness, the resulting blend is not possible.

Be Original. The thing I love most about The King’s Singers are their original arrangements of songs. This was a Christmas concert, so there were a few traditional arrangements of songs, like my personal favourite, “O Holy Night”, which you can hear them perform with the Mormon Tabernacle Choir, here. It was astounding and magical.

But what I love is how they take a traditional song and give it a remarkable twist. For instance, they took “God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen” and mashed it up with Dave Brubeck’s famous “Take Five” , creating something 100% unique and memorable. Their speedy, “let’s just get this over with” take on “Jingle Bells” was also funny and silly, showing that even though they are very serious musicians, they don’t take themselves too seriously. Their encore performance was a “drunk and debocherous” version of Deck the Halls, where, with each verse, they fell more off the wagon, but somehow managed to still show their unmatched technical skill.

Originality is what makes the online world what it is. Sure, we might all have different opinions on things. Sometimes, we might not all get along. But that’s just the thing makes the social web so amazing. We all have the opportunity to be unique and individual here. We all write our own arrangements. We mash things up, we create something new. At times, we tend to take ourselves too seriously, but soon, we’re made to see the lighter side of it all. Originality is expected and encouraged here, and in the end, the space is richer because of it.

If you ever get the opportunity to see The King’s Singers in concert, do not hesitate to do it. They are incredible, and even if vocal ensembles aren’t your thing, I guarantee you will be moved by their performance. And, as I did – you just might learn something, too.

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One final note. Canada’s National Arts Centre has many wonderful things to offer online. Their multimedia section is home to many interesting and insightful video clips, audio clips and podcasts. They are extremely well produced and if you are at all interested in music and the arts, definitely worth listening to and subscribing to. Check it all out on their web site.

Photo by kingssingers6 on Flickr.

The past 5 years or so have been a time of tremendous learning and growth for me. I’ve bought a house, gotten married (yes, in that order – which I highly recommend!), become a full-time entrepreneur, worked hard to weed out the negative people in my life, and reconnected with some wonderful old friends. I’ve discovered a rich and fascinating online world, and made some really great new friends here.

It’s like I’ve been climbing up a slope of learning these past few years. The path was really steep sometimes. Occasionally I stumbled, even fell. Other times it leveled out; it was pretty smooth sailing. I’m grateful to have had plenty of help on my journey, from incredible friends, and of course my family.

Now I feel like I’ve come to the top of the mountain. I can see pretty clearly what lies ahead of me, and more importantly, what I need to do to get there. As I begin to travel down the other side of the mountain, I am able to release some of my new knowledge as I go. This is happening in all aspects of my life right now.

Professionally, I have the amazing opportunity to pass on my more than 18 years of media industry experience to young people who are just starting out in their careers. Now that I am happily married, I find myself passing on advice to my single girlfriends about dating, finding the person that’s right for you, and being happy in a relationship. And, now that I’ve weeded out the bad energy in my life, I’m able to help others to do the same.

I know that once I am through this teaching phase and at the bottom of the mountain again, I will climb the next mountain of learning. There are many more mountains to climb, many more challenges to face. I am happy to know that I’ve made it this far, and that I have something to offer as a result. And I am excited to know there’s much more to come.

Photo by Matt Phillips on Flickr.