I wasn’t always a writer.

In the 11th grade, I had to take after school English tutoring because my grammar was so atrocious. It was my only hope of passing the class. I worked my butt off with my “its and it’s”, and my “there, their and they’re”.  My teacher told me that in the end, I’d probably pass the class, but I’d never really be much of a writer. I just didn’t have an “aptitude” for it. I got the C+ I needed and moved on.

I didn’t write for years after that – unless it was absolutely necessary. I dreaded anytime I had to sit down to write a letter, or put together a script for a college class. I certainly never wrote for fun. Every sentence was a struggle. Mostly they’d come out in very boring, flat phrases, with simple words. They certainly didn’t paint a picture of anything interesting or striking.

Oh sure, I was good at other things. I had an “aptitude” for music. I could teach. I was very organized, and extremely creative. I ran with the things I was good at, and had some good success early in my career. But all along, I wished I was a better writer. I wanted to enjoy it. I had all these ideas swimming in my head and I wanted to know how to write them down so they made sense. But the voice of my teacher still rang in my head “You’ll never be much of a writer.” It’s amazing how one negative experience can hinder so much.

Today, when people ask me what I do, I usually say “I tell stories”. I now identify myself on this blog, and on my other online presences as “a writer”.  I’ve found my voice. It wasn’t easy, but for anyone with a desire to express themselves (and in my experience, that’s just about everyone), it is totally doable. Here are some ways you can start to find your voice. And this doesn’t just apply to the written word, either. Gary Vaynerchuk talks about DNA in his upcoming book, Crush It!. Some people are programmed to be writers. Some are programmed to be in front of the camera. Some are visual artists. Others are musicians. Finding your voice is finding that way that you uniquely express yourself.

Practice practice practice. Nothing comes easy. Even people who seemingly ooze natural talent still have to put in hours and hours and hours of work. My friend Greg Wyard is one of the most talented musicians I know. He can play anything on an acoustic guitar. I mean ANYTHING. Like Bohemian Rhapsody. You have to hear it to believe it. Greg is a totally natural talent. He was truly born with a gift. But does he come by it easily? Not at all. He’s been playing for more than 30 years, and to this day, he STILL practices up to 8 hours a day.

Malcom Gladwell says you have to do something for 10,000 hours before you can be considered an expert at it. So if you really, really want to find your voice – you have to practice your craft, a lot. Don’t believe me? Go read Jon Swanson then. He’ll tell you everything you need to know about deliberate practice.

Fear is for wusses. It’s really scary to put yourself out there. To write something that you know other people will read. To put yourself on video or create a work of art that other people will see. Your biggest fear is that people will think you suck. If you don’t try at all, you can’t fail. That’s a nice, safe place to be, right? Too bad it’s boring as hell.

I was told to my face that I would never be much of a writer. Imagine my fear of putting fingers to keyboard and starting to write this blog two years ago. I thought all my ideas were dumb. I thought my bad grammar would make me seem like an idiot. But I did it anyway. I decided not to care what people thought. I did it, and still do it, first and foremost for myself. Because I wanted to practice. Because I had something to say (even if it was to myself). Imagine my surprise when people actually started to respond positively to what I was doing. Suddenly, my fear had been replaced with pride.

Don’t be a wuss. Sit down, and just start. You’ll be amazed where you end up.

Don’t strive for perfection. Imagine if we were all perfect? If every idea we had was 100% solid, and nobody ever made an error? Imagine how dreadfully awful that would be?

One of the things I love about writing this blog is when people disagree with me. It gets me fired up to have someone tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about. It makes me downright giddy when someone gives me new ideas or a new way of looking at things.

Expression of ideas, whether it’s the written word, video, audio, music, or visual art, is about bringing something out that is inside.  Five people could write a blog post on “Finding Your Voice” and they’d all be completely different. Your voice is unique, and that means that people might not always see things the same way. A piece of art that I like may look horrible to someone else. That’s the beauty of living in an imperfect world. We all perceive things in our own way. Don’t try to be perfect at any of this. Just try.

Finding your voice is about digging deep, sometimes to a place that will make you a bit uncomfortable. But once you’re there, you’ll find richness beyond your wildest imagination. Take the first step. Sit down, and do it. You won’t be sorry.

Share/Save

Breaking with my DNA to bring you the first in a series of 1 video book reviews by yours truly. You saw it here first, folks! Oh, and then go buy the book. Seriously.

(Facebook readers, here’s the original YouTube link: http://tinyurl.com/qh6pfu)

Share/Save

Back in December I wrote a post on The Art of Saying No. It was in response to an overwhelming number of demands and requests I’d been receiving for me to help with this, retweet that, and come to this event, and so on. It helped me set my mind straight on how to make sure I wasn’t overdoing things.

While it is true that being able to say “no” in the right way, to the right things is an art, there’s most definitely a flip side. That, of course, is saying “yes”.

Yesterday I listened to a fantastic interview on CBC Radio 1′s show Q with The Honourable Pamela Wallin, broadcaster extraordinaire turned foreign diplomat turned Canadian Senator.

For those of you who don’t know her, Ms. Wallin is one of our most famous Canadians. She spent much of her career as one of the most prolific journalists and anchorwomen in the country. Following the September 11th terrorist attacks, Ms. Wallin helped to coordinate rallies and events in support of the people of New York City and thus began her foray into diplomatic relations. Prime Minister Chretien appointed her consul general to the U.S in 2002. She’s a recipient of the Order of Canada, and a cancer survivor. A couple of months ago, Prime Minister Harper appointed her to the Senate of Canada.

How’s that for a few life accomplishments?

On the Q show the other day, Ms. Wallin was asked by interviewer Jian Gnomeshi what she felt was the secret to her success. I loved her response. She said, “I say ‘yes’ a lot.”

As much as I advocate balance when it comes to saying “yes” or “no”, there’s a lot to be said for being a “yes” person. Why? Because you never know what opportunities will unfold by saying that one simple word – yes.

I get asked to do a lot of things in the course of a week. I offer to do a lot of things too. My rule of thumb is, “If it feels like the right thing to do, then do it.” It might be saying “yes” to someone who’s asking me for help. It might be me, offering my assistance to someone (either professionally or personally). The way I see it, if I don’t take that step, nobody’s going to take it for me.

This doesn’t mean you have to say yes to everyone that comes your way and asks for help. Sometimes, delegating is handy for that. Sometimes, what’s being asked of you simply doesn’t fit your schedule or your core values. But more often than not, taking that simple step of “yes” can open doors you never thought possible.

If you are going to work on being more of a “yes” person, there are a few critical elements you must abide by. First, it’s vitally important not to over commit yourself. Look at the plan you have laid out in front of you. Do you have the time/money to really give your all to what’s being asked of you? If you don’t, you may have to reconsider the extent of your “yes”. Why? Because of vitally important thing number two. Do not ever say yes, and then back out. The damage that can do will ripple through in more ways than you can imagine.

In the end, it’s really about one simple thing, something that’s been true in my life in unimaginable ways. The more you give away, the more you get back.

Yesterday, Gary Vaynerchuk posted something on Twitter that resonated with me. He said (and I’m paraphrasing) “6 times a day, people ask me how they’ll know when they’ve ‘made it.’” He posted a link to a video blog he did back in June 2008 on “When do you know you have a community?“. In it, he noses right up to the camera and says, in no uncertain terms (and this is why I love Gary), “You have a community when ONE person listens to you!!”.

While that is very true, I would say there’s another aspect to what defines one as truly having “made it”.

Some would say Pamela Wallin “made it” when she got her first on-air job at CBC. Some would say she “made it” when she became the first female national news bureau chief in Canada. Some would say she “made it” when she survived colon cancer. Still others would say she’s “made it” now that she’s a Senator.

Ms. Wallin and Gary have something in common, and something very valuable to teach us all about success. They are always setting the bar higher.

You’ve really only truly “made it” when you’ve accomplished what you set out to do and you’re ready to move on to the next step in your life’s journey. You’ve made it when you’re ready to accomplish the next thing on your path. Getting to that point is dependent on saying one word, and saying it often.

Yes.

Share/Save

One of the hardest things for me to do is to say “no” to people. It gets me in all sorts of trouble, too. I get over-committed, over-booked, over-stressed in an effort to please everyone all the time.

It’s a common problem – I know lots of people for whom saying “no” is the worst thing they could possibly do. However, there are times when saying “no” is exactly what I need to do. The crazy thing is, 99.9% of the times I have ever said “no” to someone, it’s totally okay. There’s none of the backlash, hurt feelings, and disappointment that I often make up in my own head.

As I get more busy in my business, my personal life and as I continue to grow my online network, I find I am having to say “no” more often. Don’t get me wrong…I have absolutely no issue with helping people when they ask me for it. In fact, I enjoy helping people. That’s why I do it. But there comes a point, where, if it’s too much for me to balance with my job, my family etc., that I have to say that nasty “no”.

I’ve learned that there are techniques for saying “no” gracefully. And the number one way to say “no” to someone nicely is to communicate with them. Seems kind of backwards, since you’re trying to NOT have to do something, but communication is the vital key.

Don’t Ignore. Ignoring and avoidance is the worst thing you can do. The problem with ignoring someone when you should be saying “no” to them is that they think you don’t care. If someone sends you a request or asks you a favour and you just can’t accommodate, better to send a polite response saying why you are unable to fulfill their request than not to respond at all.

What if Volume is an Issue? Feeling overwhelmed by all the people wanting a piece of you? We’ve all been there. I have weeks where my inbox is chock full of people wanting something from me. My voice mail is also full. It’s pretty overwhelming, and my first instinct is to run away and hide. How to deal with volume requests? Well, I hooked up AwayFind on my email, that at least helps me to determine what requires my urgent attention and what doesn’t. But the man who has this one cased is the inimitable Gary Vaynerchuk. You see, if you send Gary an email, he sends you an automated reply. Now, before you go getting all bent out of shape about automated replies..check out what he sends:

Hey, here’s a link that will explain everything!

http://tv.winelibrary.com/garyvs-inbox

Thank you
Gary Vaynerchuk

Click on the link. You get Gary, on a video, explaining how he deals with email, and asking for people’s help in helping him manage his correspondence. He provides contacts for all his online outposts, and contacts for his “people” too. He is saying “no”, and doing it in a personable, polite way.

Delegate delegate delegate. Trying to keep up with responding to everything all the time is impossible if you’re super busy. So find ways to filter information to people who can more easily and quickly help. In essence, what you are doing here is saying “No, I can’t help you, but I’m referring you to this person who I trust to help you.” Of course, you want to make sure that the person you are delegating to is available and willing to say “yes”. Delegation is hard to do – but it’s worth it, always. Just make sure that you have people you absolutely trust on board…because every time you delegate, it’s still your reputation that’s on the line.

So there you have it – these are a few interesting ways that I’ve learned about how to politely decline. We all have times that we have to say “no” to people, and it’s never easy. Please share some techniques that you use when you need to say “no” in the comments.

Oh, and by the way – if you say “no” to someone politely and they get mad at you, start flaming you, or have an otherwise negative reaction, before you feel bad about it…consider whether they were worth helping in the first place.

Share/Save