A few weeks ago, I showed this video from Gary Vaynerchuk to my class. It’s about cold calling, and if you’ve ever been hesitant to pick up the phone and ask someone to do business with you, then you should watch it. You might just get up the guts to do it.

Or not.

You see, Gary’s the kind of guy who just does things, like picking up the phone on “live” video and calling someone out of the blue. He’s one of the most incredibly self motivated, outgoing, and uninhibited people I’ve ever met.  A lot of other people, even though they are very outgoing, still have HUGE issues with cold calling. I  keep that video nearby, so I can look at him when I need to be reminded of what I’m aspiring to be.

All this, and a brief conversation with my friend Kneale Mann this morning, has gotten me thinking about these issues we sometimes have with getting out there, picking up the phone, standing in front of a room full of people, or walking up and introducing ourselves to strangers. It all stems from the same issue – fear of rejection.

When you really take a moment to think about what fear of rejection really is, you begin to see how silly it is.

Schoolyard follies. I wasn’t one of the most popular kids in school. I was often the new kid, because I moved around quite a bit. I always had some issues fitting in at first, as most kids did. I had my share of scuffles in the schoolyard (sorry Mom), and was teased quite a bit because I was shy and not overly outgoing. I was easy fodder for the cliques.  Oh sure, I ended up making friends after a while, but it was hard for me. I’m sure if I asked around to many of my colleagues and friends today, they’d have similar stories about fitting in. My point is, fear of rejection is ingrained in us early on. We try to fit in with our school chums by being ourselves, and if they turn us away, it sticks with us. As we grow up, it only stands to reason that being ourselves equals rejection. And so it begins.

Tell me about yourself. We get out of school, and into the workforce. If there’s any place you have to be able to fit in, it’s in a work environment. It starts with the job interview. Going in to meet a total stranger, and trying to impress them with not only your skill set but your outgoing personality can be daunting, to say the least. And since we’ve already been taught that it doesn’t take much to be rejected, the fear becomes pretty intense. And then, if the dreaded rejection actually happens, and you don’t get the job, then you’re right back to your days of crying in the schoolyard. However, if you DO get the job, you’re equally screwed. Because now you have to be the new kid again, fitting in with your co-workers, and proving to your boss that you are actually capable of the things you said you were. Every day you get to be on the cutting edge of rejection. Fun, eh?

So why is this silly?

The past is the past. We really do spend SO much time dwelling on our past problems and identifying with them. New Kid Syndrome runs rampant, and it’s a primary reason why many people don’t succeed at their goals. They spend so much time thinking, “Well, I can’t do this because I’m shy”, or “I won’t try because they’ll probably just say no”, that we end up just not bothering at all. We don’t pick up the phone. We don’t walk up to that person we admire and say hi. We sit in the sidelines, taking the easier road.

Do you ever watch those shows where people have really bad phobias, of water or spiders, or flying, and the cognitive therapist treats them through exposure to the thing they fear? Well, what if you tried that? Expose yourself to the things you are scared of, like picking up the phone and calling a potential customer or advertiser, and just do it. If you screw up, no matter. Just try again. There’s lots of potential customers and advertisers out there! And I guarantee, if you introduce yourself to someone at an event, and stumble on your words or forget what you want to say, they aren’t going to laugh in your face. It’s not the schoolyard, after all.

So forget your past rejections, right now. You can make that choice. Go ahead, do it. It won’t hurt a bit, I promise.

We’re all in this together. We often think that we are the only ones who think we are afraid of the things we are afraid of. Therefore, we are kind of embarrassed by it, and we keep it to ourselves. We don’t want people to think that we have fears, so we do nothing, lest we be seen as vulnerable. And none of us want to be vulnerable. That would give the impression that we’re human, or something (gasp!).

I had a wonderful phone conversation with a very kind man last week, someone who has been in the same business as me for more than 30 years. When I told him that I was afraid that I was approaching something the wrong way, he told me that essentially, we are all in the same boat. No matter how long you’ve been around, we’re all up against the same things. It’s how you choose to take the opportunities that are in front of you that makes the difference.

Let’s face it. We are all afraid of being rejected, but my wise colleague is right – if we just stop and realize that we are not alone in our fears, that everyone is afraid of something, and that not letting the fear take hold and cause inaction is key to overcoming it, then heck, we’d all be a lot better off, right?

So get off your chair, get over yourself, realize we’re all in this together…and pick up that phone.

Share/Save

Hubby and I were having a great conversation over breakfast for dinner tonight. It all started with Gary Vay-ner-chuk, and his chime in the other day about Twitter vs. Facebook. In his video post, he talks about how apps like Facebook need to become more immediate and instantaneous or they are going to be eclipsed by the Twitters of the world.

These are great ideas and I think Gary has it bang on. But he really got me thinking about why this shift needs to occur. And what I think it comes down to is WIIFM (pronounced “Wiff-umm”). What’s In It For Me? Here’s my theory.

When I first started using Facebook about 6 months or so ago (that’s like 3 years in Interweb time), I thought it was just the greatest, most fantastic use of the Internet I’d ever seen. I reconnected with elementary and highschool friends whom I had not spoken to in 22 years. I found former colleagues, and discovered what they had been doing with their time since we’d last spoken. It really was as if a whole new world had opened up for me. I mean, who ever thought I would get to (or want to!) talk to my first boyfriend ever again? I certainly didn’t. The fact is, at that time, I was getting something out of it. It was entertaining, like a virtual highschool reunion that never stopped. Every day someone else would come to the party and that would make it even more fun.

But you know what? Eventually, I found every old friend and acquaintance I would ever want to be reconnected with. And the novelty, frankly, has started to wear off. And I’m not alone. I’ve noticed lately that of my 200-and some friends, only about 15% of them actually still post regular updates.

You know what? Facebook…I’m just not that into you anymore. WIIFM, after I find all my old friends? Not a whole lot, I’m afraid.

In terms of actual networking, well, I’ve never really used Facebook for that. Sure, some of my social media pals are also my FB friends, but it’s almost like it’s just common courtesy…well, I’m subscribed to your blog, I follow you on Twitter, so I may as well be your FB friend too, right?

So what is the WIIFM factor with Twitter? Well, as @garyvee says, it’s immediate, instantaneous. All Twitter wants to know is what I am doing RIGHT NOW. (Hmmm, Eckhart Tolle would be impressed!). The social network is shifting. People are becoming interested only in who is at the party now, not who was there yesterday or last week. They don’t want to see that video you made last weekend, they want to see the Qik interview you are doing with Robert Scoble in an elevator right now. They want to get your latest Utterz that you recorded on your subway ride home. In a sense, they want to be in your life as it happens.

The value of Twitter over Facebook is clear. Twitter has the ability to stand the test of time, because by its very nature, it is changing and adapting to its environment all the time, but it’s the community who is doing it, not the developers. @zefrank’s Color Wars and @bedtime stories are clear indications of that, as are the power of the Twitterverse when it comes ruling events like SXSW and Podcamp Toronto.

I think the question really is, is Facebook ready to adapt on the same level as Twitter?

Share/Save

Here’s a guy that totally gets it. Gary Vaynerchuk, of winelibrary.tv didn’t just throw up a little web site with a few videos on it and then sit back and wait for it to go viral. He didn’t think – “gosh, nobody else is talking about wine on the Web”, because he KNEW that lots of people are out there talking about wine on the Web. Instead, he developed a brand – HIMSELF.

10,000 of the people who watch his show don’t know or care anything about wine. But they are interested in Gary. Why? I think it’s because he is not at all the kind of personality that is normally associated with a wine expert. He’s loud, bold, and cusses a lot. His abundant enthusiasm for the subject of wine is enough to draw you in, and his personality gets you hooked. The implementation of his site is fantastic. First, he’s using Viddler, my favourite new video app. Second, his site is all about how you can link up and connect with him. I follow him on Facebook, Twitter, and Viddler , I subscribe to the RSS feed for his show so it’s in my Google Reader, and if I wanted to I could follow him on LinkedIN, Pownce and Cork’d too. What does this mean? He’s EVERYWHERE! I can’t go a day without seeing some sort of update from the guy. And that doesn’t even count all of the other blog posts he’s appearing in these days.

Here’s what I find really interesting about the success he’s had with the Gary Vaynerchuk brand (besides the fact that now just about everyone can spell “Vaynerchuk”). He’s had to get an agent. Mainstream media is noticing him and putting him on their shows (Ellen, Nightline, Conan, to name a few). Hollywood is calling about doing reality TV shows. As he says, mainstream media is beginning to source its new talent from the web.

It’s like an open casting call out here on the Internet right now. You can be sure that the talent scouts are spending more time surfing YouTube and vlog posts than ever before. But I don’t think they are necessarily looking for the next big talent. They are looking for people who are making a brand for themselves and building their audience based on that brand.

What does it mean to content producers? The time to start building your brand is NOW. Quick, before someone else does it.

Watch what Gary has to say about this here:

http://www.viddler.com/explore/richschefren/videos/50/

Share/Save