I used to have horrible stage fright. It probably stems from the fact that I’m inherently a shy person. I overcame my shyness though, and that’s always the first step. Here’s how I did it.

Once I overcame my shyness, I became much better at person to person interactions. Now I have no issue with meeting new people and striking up conversations. But the last great frontier of my shyness battle has always been stage fright. It seems kind of crazy, though – I’ve been performing in front of people for years. I’ve sung in choirs, a capella quartets, and even done the occasional duet or solo thing. I have spoken in front of people many, many times.

For a long time though, I didn’t feel like I was at my best with it. My nerves always got in the way of my performance. I was too concerned about messing up, and if I actually did hit a wrong note or lose my train of thought, I’d beat myself up about it for days. The end result was, I wasn’t really enjoying the act of performing.

One of my goals for this year was to do more public speaking. I knew this would require me, for once and for all, to get over my stage fright. I wasn’t entirely sure how I was going to do that, but just recently, I’ve figured it out. Here’s what I know now:

Watch, listen, and learn. The first thing I did on my path to being a better public speaker was watch people who are really great speakers. I spent a lot of time looking at talks given by speakers I admire, like Chris Brogan, Christopher Penn, and Seth Godin. These guys are outstanding storytellers and magnificent public speakers. I watched videos of them over and over again, and once I got the message of their talk, I’d go back and watch again to listen to the way they pieced stories together, how they used slides, how they moved around on stage. I learned a ton. I’m still learning from them all the time. Watch people you admire. Learn what makes them successful. Then don’t copy them – but integrate what you’ve learned from them, and create your own style.

Think it out. Whether it’s a musical performance or a speaking engagement, it’s really important to put some thought into things before you hop on stage. I’ve been to a few incredible musical performances lately, from immensely talented guys who know how to weave music and story into everything they do (even when their songs don’t have lyrics!). Just check out guys like Corin Raymond and Sean Cotton, David Ross Macdonald, and Jonathan Byrd when you get a chance. These guys ooze talent – and they are masterful storytellers. It takes a tremendous amount of thought, time, and effort to be an effective storyteller. You’ve got to spend time, head down, and figure out how you’re going to convey your story to your audience in compelling way. You’ve got to figure out the essence of what you are trying to say. But once you know it in your heart, the words (or the melodies) will just flow, and it’s unlikely stage fright will enter the equation at that point.

Practice practice practice. I was invited to speak at the first ever Ignite Ottawa this past Thursday night (you can read about what I talked about here). For those of you who are not familiar with the format, each speaker gets 5 minutes and 20 slides to share a message. The catch is, each slide auto-advances every 15 seconds. And I tell you – it takes a LOT of practice to get that part right. I spent the better part of a week, in all my spare moments, practicing my talk. It was to the point where as soon as I’d launch into it, the dog would just sigh and leave the room. By far the best way to combat stage fright is to practice. And practice. And then practice some more. BUT…..don’t practice too much. Learn your cut off point – because if you overdo it, it will sound too rehearsed. If you are striving for perfection, you won’t achieve it. So stop that. Practice until you can do it backwards and forwards, and then stop practicing. You’re ready.

Get over yourself. Probably the number one reason people get stage fright is because they are worried about what people will think. This was by far my biggest problem. My story was solid. I’d practiced my brains out. But I would get up on stage, and look at all those people, looking at me, waiting for me to do something, and I’d feel a rush of adrenaline to my head. My stomach would tense up, and my breathing would become shallow. I’d open my mouth and…glak. It took every ounce of courage I had to get through it. And after it was over, I’d feel like throwing up. Not really a compelling reason to want to get on stage….ever.

But then I realized something. I was getting myself all worked up, worrying about what people were thinking. I wasn’t focused on the moment. I knew I had the ability to hit the right notes, or remember the next point. But I was too distracted by all those eyes looking at me. Performing well takes focus, and the best way to maintain that focus is to be 100% completely in your performance. Connect with the audience, but don’t try to read their minds. Do what you came to do – entertain, inform, enlighten. The end result will be not only a better show, but you will have actually enjoyed being on stage.

I’ve made a lot of positive strides in the past year with overcoming my stage fright. Now I look forward to being on stage. And hopefully, what I’m doing when I’m up there has improved as well.

So what’s your take on stage fright?

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Just recently,  our company passed its 2nd anniversary (in its current, full time version – we ran as a part time entity for 4 years prior to that). We’ve come a long, long way in 2 years. We’ve surpassed many of our expectations and are on a course now to exceed even more over the next little while. It’s exciting, exhilarating, and scary as crap. I’ve been doing a bit of reflecting lately on what I’ve learned over the past couple of years, and I’m in the mood today to share some of these things.

Too few new entrepreneurs share their lessons with each other. It IS scary striking out on your own. It IS risky. You ARE going to make plenty of mistakes. But for some reason, many of us feel like we need to keep our fears to ourselves. That if we don’t ever say we’ve made a mistake or ten, then somehow we are stronger. In fact, I think the opposite is true. So, here are a couple of things I’ve learned so far.

Get Over Yourself. I used to be the kind of person that took EVERYTHING personally. If a clerk in a store was snarky to me, I’d worry about what I’d done to tick them off. Heaven forbid one of my friends or colleagues should disagree with me; I’d feel bad about it for DAYS!

When you are running a company, people are going to disagree with you every day. Lots of people are going to try and shoot you down. Others are going to talk behind your back. People will say no to you a lot. The last thing on earth that you should do in any of these situations is take it personally. I’ve learned that taking things personally is actually a sign of self-centeredness. If you stop taking things personally, a really cool thing happens. You are able to start seeing the other person’s perspective. And then, you are able to make rational choices based on that. Suddenly, the naysayers and backstabbers don’t matter anymore. And the people saying no, start to say yes.

Ask for Help. I was just about to start in on this entrepreneurial adventure full time when I met the person who was responsible for introducing me to all of this social media stuff. He’s a super busy guy, but he spent a lot of time giving me snippets of advice, feedback on what I was doing, and basically just being encouraging and supportive. For that, I’m infinitely grateful. I remember one day I was struggling with something. It was a technology issue, and I wasn’t sure how I was going to overcome it. I was terrified that my project was going to fail because of it. I sent a message to my friend, to ask his advice. He said something really simple – “why don’t you ask Twitter?” Seems obvious now, however Twitter was pretty new to me (and everyone) two years ago. Always ahead of his time though, my buddy had already figured out the power of the network. I did as he suggested, and posted a message. Within minutes I had advice, contacts, and was on the road to a solution. I wrote back to my friend and said “Wow! It worked!”. He replied with a bit of advice that has stuck with me to this day:

“You have a whole network of people available to you now. Use it.”

Never, ever, ever, ever be afraid to ask for help when you need it. Successful business ventures are successful because there are PEOPLE behind them. You can’t and don’t (and shouldn’t) possess every skill you need to accomplish everything you need to do. A good leader is someone who can surround herself with good people. Hire people who are better at what they do than you are. Ask your network for advice, contacts, or just their opinion. But don’t forget to give advice and help and time when asked, too (because nobody likes a Needy Nelly). We now have instant access to more help and advice and resources than ever. Use your network. It works. And your business will be better for it.

That’s what I’ve learned – what about you?

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