Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

— Robert Frost

One of the things that has always attracted me to social media is that it allows me to get a glimpse into other peoples’ lives. Reading blogs like In Over Your Head from Julien Smith, or Levite Chronicles from Jon Swanson gives me a snapshot into what someone else is thinking at that moment. Following people on Twitter like Christopher Penn and Danny Brown provides a stream of real time thoughts, feelings and inspiration. Facebook allows me to instantly answer the question “What ever happened to…?” as I pick up where I left off with friends from over the years.

We are more connected to each others’ thoughts and feelings than we have ever been. We can literally follow along as people go about their daily lives, but more than that, in an instant, we can become involved in the story. All it takes is one comment, one reply, or one small note to open up doors we never thought possible.

Thinking of how we’ve intertwined our lives thrills me. I am close friends with people I never thought I’d have an opportunity to meet. I’m doing business with people all over the world, many of whom I’ve never met in person. We’re bonded together, with some sort of technological epoxy, and that bond is not easily broken.

But an issue starts to occur when that bond becomes too significant. We begin to pay too much attention to everyone elses’ life and we start to forget our own focus. We look at all the brilliant people around us, and we start to compare ourselves to them. “Is this blog post going to measure up?”, “Am I saying the right things?”, “Am I the next [name of favourite social media guru]?”

I learn so much from my friends out here in this world. Every day I’m given new things to think about, new ways to expand my business, my career, my spirit. But the minute I start to get too wrapped up in other peoples’ thoughts and opinions, I need to take a step back. I need to get re-focused on my own path. I’ve got to check in with myself every now and again to see where I am on my path.

It’s important to have mentors, it really is. I’ve had some dandy ones, and I still do. Everyone needs people to look up to and learn about success, and failure, and everything in between. It’s all fine and well to be inspired by someone’s achievements, but never, ever, EVER aspire to be “just like” anyone.  Look around you. See those people who are succeeding the way you want to? You can have that too. But you can’t do it the same way they did. Why? Because everyone’s path is different.

Let’s say your dream is to be the CEO of your own successful company. You see someone you know doing this and you want it too; he’s building his company, getting lots of clients, speaking all over the country, and starting to rake in the dough. You begin to study how that person got there, and you start to realize a few things. First, his spouse has a really good full time job, and they were able to afford to be a one-income household for a while. Second, they don’t have kids to feed. Third, he’s got an investor on board who has put forward a good chunk of change to get things moving.

But you’re a single mom, with big rent and big bills and you absolutely can’t afford to give up your day job. You don’t have any investors, and don’t have the time or the money to travel around to try and get some, either. Suddenly your dream of having your own company starts to fade. You go back to life as you know it.

And that is where the problem lies. We spend a lot of time comparing ourselves to others. If you want to be the CEO of your own successful company, it doesn’t matter HOW you get there. What’s important is that you get there.

We all travel our own path in this life. Our lives intersect with others, sometimes very deeply, as with our family, our spouses, our friends, and our mentors. But in the end, it’s just you. You are the one who has to get out of bed every morning and decide what you’re going to do with your life.  You are the one who knows your circumstances better than anyone, and you are the only one who can decide what step to take next. Oh sure, you can ask advice from those close to you, you can read and learn and share and ask questions. But it’s you, and only you, that has to make the decision.

Lots of single moms with little time and less income become successful businesspeople. They do it because they figure out how to succeed in spite of their circumstances. They don’t compare themselves to others. They listen, and learn, and absorb information. But then they make decisions based on what they know deep down inside.

We only get one shot at this life. One shot. If we spend all our  time living through other people, trying to be just like everyone else, then we’re going to wind up on our death bed wondering why we never accomplished much. You can’t achieve anything on someone else’s hand. You get the hand you’re dealt. You must play it. So stop trying to live everyone else’s life, and start living your own.

Go on, then…what are you waiting for?

Photo credit: John-Morgan on Flickr

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At the beginning of this year I did what many others did and came up with three words to help me define my goals and priorities for the year. I thought, since we’re coming up on the six month mark, that now would be a good time to review and see where I’m at.

My three words are Connect, Difference and Positive.

Connect. The idea with this goal was for me to make sure that not only am I connecting with new people all the time, but that I’m maintaining my connections with those I’ve known for a while. These days, it’s far too easy to get caught up in the online world. Many people struggle to find a balance. Connecting online can be addictive – frankly it’s just so damn cool to have this way to instantly meet, converse and get to know people who are across the world that it’s hard to resist the temptation to do it all the time. I’ve become close friends with people who I’d never otherwise had the chance to meet. It’s astounding and every day I am amazed.

But….what about the offline world? I often wonder if I’m doing a good enough job nurturing those connections.

This past weekend was very offline for me in terms of connecting. I went to two gatherings…one with a bunch of friends and former colleagues from my old cable TV days, and one with my closest girlfriends. Many of these people I hadn’t seen in months, or even years in some cases. It was like stepping back into a comfortable old pair of shoes. Even though we’ve all grown up and moved on, the connection we made so many years ago endures. Don’t forget to connect with people from your past once in a while. It’s vitally important. It’s fun. And it almost always opens new doors.

Difference. My point with this goal was to focus more time on making a difference for others this year. I’ve always been philanthropic by nature, involved in a bunch of different project to help other people. Over the years I’ve volunteered with the Red Cross, The Muscular Dystrophy Association of Canada, The Cancer Foundation, CHEO, Foster Parents Plan and more. I get that from my parents. They were highly active in their younger days with various charities. We were always engaged in some kind of way with one fundraising project or another. They showed me at a young age how important it is to help others, and I’ve carried that lesson through my whole life.

Over the past few years I’d backed away a lot from making a difference. I was still giving money to various charities, but not much of my time. As fate would have it, Danny Brown came along, and so did 12for12k. I’ve gotten so much out of being involved in this project I can’t even tell you. It’s a great feeling to know we are doing good things to help others. It’s fun, and challenging, but we know what we have to keep going with it, building and growing it.

But making a difference doesn’t always have to be about charity. Look around you. Do you know someone who needs your help? Maybe they need someone to help around the house. Maybe they need help with a special project of their own. If you have something to offer, don’t hold back. Reach out your hand, see who takes hold. It’s what life is all about.

Positive. This is by far the toughest one for me. Anyone who knows me might be shocked to hear that. I put it on the list because it’s something I need to work on. Some days it’s my attitude that needs work. With so much going on in my life right now, it’s hard some days to bound out of bed and be 100% positive about everything all the time. But it’s not just about my attitude.

A lot of my positivity comes through the people I spend time around. I’ve made up my mind to push negative people from my life. Just to do it. I’m not trying to be mean, but I just don’t have time for negative people any longer. Sure, they are still going to try to come at me once in a while, but I’ve learned how to deal with them better now. How to not react, get sucked in.

I’ve learned that the best way to stay positive is to stay present. Eckhart Tolle says that “In the present moment, problems do not exist.” It’s a simple phrase, but one that is very hard to understand and abide by. We waste so much of our lives on past and future.

The secret to my positivity is presence. I’m far from perfect at it, but I’m trying, every day, to get better.

Thanks for listening to this – I feel good that I’ve taken time to reflect on my three words.

Now, how about you?

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I’m watching with interest today a post written my my friend Danny Brown yesterday about a fake Twitter site. You can go read the post, and the comments if you like (WARNING: some of the comments contain some off-colour language).

This isn’t a post about the fake Twitter site, and it’s not a post about the silly comments it generated from the fake-Twitter site creators and their friends. This is a post about you.

In his post, Danny asks a very pertinent question – what if suddenly, someone took over your personal or professional brand (or your client’s) and started posing on social networks, saying all the wrong things, treating people badly or spreading untruths about you and your brand?

Think about it. You’ve worked for months, maybe a year or more, on creating a “social media” marketing strategy for your client. (Forget that you shoudn’t be creating marketing strategies focused on only social media, but that’s another post.) Then one day, a few Google searches reveal that someone is trying to damage you or your client through a fake ID, or a fake site. As Danny points out in his post, it would be pretty easy to do with the kind of thing the fake Twitter site was doing (it’s since been shut down, but that’s another story too).

The smart marketers are building contingency and damage control plans into their media strategies to counteract these kinds of threats. I’m not too worried about them. But the whole idea’s got me thinking on an even larger scale.

Forget impostors. What if suddenly, Twitter was gone? Or Facebook? Ning? WordPress? Sure, it’s unlikely these tools will just disappear. But what if?

Companies, agencies and individuals are putting thousands of dollars, hundreds of hours, and a ton of blood, sweat and tears into building their marketing strategies around a bunch of free tools, created by a bunch of people they don’t know. What strikes me is that people put all their faith into the tools without a second thought, but when it comes to each other, it’s about building trust and relationships over the long term. Shouldn’t we be subjecting the social media tools we’re using to the same kind of scrutiny to which we subject each other?

Why do we have so much faith that these tools are even going to be around next week, let alone next year? Who is to say that they don’t crumple under their own weight, get eaten up by some giant corporation, or simply, that something better comes along? All of these things are happening now – yet people still continue to focus all their efforts around the tools.

So what’s the solution? How do we stop relying so much on these tools and get on to the real work? Well, the good news is you don’t have to hire some fancy consultant to figure it out, because I’m going to let you in on a little secret.

Social media is not about the tools.

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The name of the game around this online space is community. Well, it’s some other things too, but mostly it’s about community. Creating them, building them, sharing them, participating in them…if it wasn’t for communities, it wouldn’t be much fun out here on the Interwebz, in my opinion.

Community these days seems to be a tricky thing for some. I feel that the concept of community is way over-analyzed in this online world. People are trying force communities into existence, then keep them afloat through tactics that are sometimes questionable.

Don’t get me wrong – I’m not out to slam those whose job it is to build and manage communities. People like Scott Monty and Keith Burtis are excelling in this area right now. Why? Because they get it. They do it well because they understand how communities work, and how they need to work within them to make them succeed. What I’m saying is that communities can’t be forced.

Whether you want to create, join, lead or participate in a community, there are a few fundamental principles to abide by. I’ve been involved in communities all my life. Perhaps it comes somewhat naturally to me because I grew up in small, isolated towns. Perhaps it’s because of the influence of my parents, who were both active participants and leaders in the communities in which we lived. Perhaps it’s because of my experience working in community television – where it’s ALL about being part of a community. I suspect it’s a combination of these. Regardless, here are a few things I’ve learned about how to succeed with communities. I’d love to hear your tips in the comments too.

You can’t force it to be the way you want it to be. I know this is the third time I’ve said it, but communities cannot be forced. They can be facilitated, to be sure. Most communities begin with an idea. That idea gets spread around to a few people, and they tell two friends, and so on. Before you know it, you have lots of people communicating and collaborating and making things happen. The key is that communities are created by unique, individual people. Those unique voices are what creates the dynamic of the community. Different voices? Different dynamic. You can’t change that. The community evolves into what it will be. You can guide it along the path, but ultimately, you can’t (and shouldn’t) control everything about it.

To lead, you must listen. The brilliant thing about communities is the way the participants shape the community. Communities never work when they are top heavy. When the leaders are the ones dictating the way the community should run, what the community should talk about, and what the community should accomplish, then people lose interest really quickly. A community works when all of the participants have an equal opportunity to have their ideas and opinions heard. This takes listening, and listening closely.

Danny Brown does this exceptionally well. Since he started the 12for12k project, he’s been listening intently to the ideas that people have put forth to him. He’s accepting of people’s opinions and thoughts, and is happy to work with community members to help make their ideas come to fruition. He’s doing more listening than talking. And as a result, he’s doing more leading, and his community is succeeding in amazing ways.

Once a community evolves, it won’t need you as much. Every year at the community TV station, I’d get one or two more new studio shows put on my plate. New shows were a lot of work.  I was responsible for creating them from the ground up – building sets, designing the lighting, finding hosts, creating the elements (opening, titles, etc.), and figuring out the concept and content. I was also in charge of finding my volunteer crew and training them.

At first, I’d be doing everything. I’d be writing the show, coaching the hosts, training volunteers on how to set up the studio, light it and do all the technical production. When I wasn’t training someone to operate cameras or clip on microphones, I was editing all the pre-taped segments. The first show day was usually about an 18-20 hour affair. I would have to answer about 5000 questions a day and fight about the same number of fires. At the same time, I’d also have to make sure I was paying individual attention to my hosts and crew. I’d have to make sure they were feeling happy and challenged and engaged.

Building, designing, creating. Individual attention. Answering questions. Happy, challenged and engaged. Kind of like a community manager, eh?

Each week, we’d do another show. And each week, the community (i.e. the crew) would become a little more independent. Eventually it got to the point where I only had to roll in about an hour before the show went on, and roll out an hour after. My 18 hour days were now 3 or 4 hour days. The community had taken over. I was now just a guide, a facilitator – a listener. I would provide coaching when needed, and fight fires if they occurred (but my community even got good at that!). The show continued to improve, got more viewers, and most importantly, the community was strong and vibrant.

Don’t feel bad if your community doesn’t need you much after a while. It means you’ve done your job. And, hey, it frees you up to go build another community!

There you have it – my tips on building healthy, strong communities. But I want to hear from you. Many of you are experts at this, too. Please add your thoughts to the comments, I’d love to hear what you think.

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The decorations are put away, the Christmas sweets are all consumed, even the leftover turkey soup is probably on its way out. Tomorrow, millions of people will head back to regular life and work patterns, and as a result, millions of New Year’s resolutions will go by the wayside. I don’t make New Year’s resolutions for that very reason. What I do, is make a “To Do List”. I LOVE lists. Have all kinds of them. Lists of phone calls to make, emails to send, and tasks to accomplish. I make lists in my head of blog posts I want to write. I make grocery lists, edit decision lists, and lists of books I want to read. You get the idea.

But, you may ask, what does one write on a 2009 To Do list? It could get very long and intensive. Well, it doesn’t have to be extensive. I’ve broken it in to three simple items.

Make an Effort to Connect with Your Online Network in Different Ways
I had a crazy realization the other day. I was about to jump on a conference call with my co-creative partners in the 12for12k Challenge, Danny Brown and Kathryn Jennex, when I realized that until that point, my entire friendship with Danny had been through text (I’d spoken to Kathryn at another point a few weeks back). In the 6 or so months we’ve been consipiring collaborating, we’d never spoken once in person! We’ve written blog posts together, he’s interviewed me for his blog, and we’d been working on 12for12k for weeks up till that point.

It’s not to say that text-based connections can’t work. After all, Danny and I have been able to not only accomplish a lot, but get to know each other as friends in the process. What I am saying is, it’s important, at some point in your relationship with others, to actually connect in person. This is not always possible because of geography. After our call that day, I felt even MORE of a connection with Danny and Kathryn.

So, in 2009, try to connect with some of your online network in different ways. Instead of Twitter or email, try a Skype call or Gmail Video Chat. It’s really amazing when you get to finally put a voice or face to a name. Maybe try to attend a couple of events or conferences. I have plans to go to Podcamp Toronto this year, and wild fantasies of going to SXSW. The very prospect of meeting some of my online friends face to face finally is very exciting to me! Can’t make it to a conference, or no time to schedule a call? Try a video blog. That’s right, set up your web cam and just press “record”. Say your next blog post instead of writing it. You’ll make a whole new level of connection with your audience. (Newsflash: Look for more video posts from yours truly this year!)

Find a Way to Make a Difference
I have a confession to make. I don’t really watch the news anymore. It’s too upsetting. I know, some people frown on folks like me who ignore the tragedies that are occurring in the Gaza strip, or the natural disasters that are occurring around the world, or the state of the economic crisis. But I just can’t accept that amount of negativity in my life. I read enough and hear enough to have a sense of what’s going on around me, what the underlying issues are. But I can’t stare hour after hour at images of bloodshed and heartache and worry. It’s not productive for me.

If you find yourself getting wrapped up in the problems of the world, I suggest taking a more proactive approach. Turn off the TV. Close the news web sites. And then, focus your energy on what you can do to make a difference.

There are so many great charities and causes out there, so many ways you can help, from being a foster parent (I am), to working with the homeless, to giving of your time and money to any organization that means something to you. If you are worried about the innocent children being affected by the atrocities of war, don’t feed into the negativity by watching endless news coverage. Go to War Child. Make a donation. Volunteer. Instead of making yourself sick with worry about those kids, do something that might just make a difference in their lives.

Not sure where to begin? What cause to choose? I invite you to check out 12for12k.org. We’re doing something really special over there, and it doesn’t take much to get involved.

No matter what cause you end up choosing the most important thing is to choose to make a difference.

Positive Thinking Works Magic
Okay, well you are probably thinking – oh my, she’s really gone off the deep end now. We’re about to get a lecture on positive thinking and laws of attraction and yadda yadda yadda. Well, before you reach for that unsubscribe button, hear me out.

There are times when I get really wrapped up in negative thoughts. I’m a lot better than I used to be, but it’s something I still struggle with, especially when I’m over tired, haven’t been eating well, or have been overly stressed. Here’s the problem with negative thinking, in my experience. It makes EVERYTHING worse. If I’m in a pissy mood, then everything becomes 10 times more frustrating. My computer crashes. My car won’t start. All my bills arrive in the mailbox on the same day. And it all just escalates.

However, if I stay focused and present and don’t spend all my mental energy thinking and worrying about thing that have happened in the past or might happen in the future, it’s like magic. I get the new contract. My mailbox has cheques in it. I get that email I’ve been waiting for. My morning coffee is extra-delicious. I have amazing conversations.

This year, put at the top of your to-do list that you are going to do everything you can to avoid getting trapped in negative thinking. It’s challenging this time of year, especially if you live up north like me. Lack of daylight and endless snow and cold are enough to drag anyone down. But try, try TRY to find the positive. The real magic of the universe will open up to you if you do.

That’s it! Three items. Hmmm – I guess that’s my three words, and I didn’t even know it till this very moment!

Connect. Difference. Positive.

Happy new year!

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“Every person is a new door to a different world.”
– from the play/movie “Six Degrees of Separation”

I am blessed to know many people and have many people, both online and off, who I consider to be good friends. Some of these friends I have known seemingly forever – since public school. Others I’ve known for the past 20 years or so that I’ve been a “grownup”. Still others I’ve met only in the past couple of years. Some people I consider friends are people I’ve never even met face to face.

As I’ve gotten older, my definition of what makes for a real friendship has changed. When I was a little kid, my best friend was the one who I could play Barbies with for hours on end without getting bored. When I was a teenager, my friends were the girls I could talk with on the phone for hours about the cutest boy or the coolest music. As a young adult, my closest friends were the ones I would stay out with, whooping it up till all hours of the night and morning. Now, in my mid late thirties, my friends are the people who I rely on most, to share good times and bad. They are the people who enrich my life with their wisdom, kindness, generosity and love.

I’ve come to the realization that the reason I’ve been so blessed to have so many amazing friends is at least partially due to the fact that I try to be a good friend to them too. You see, REAL friendship – I’m talking the non-ego, unconditional, no strings attached, giving, loving type of friendship – is a two way street.

With events like the Shorty Awards, which aims to praise those people who are doing well at social media, I figured I’d share some of the reasons why I think being a good friend makes you good at social media.

It Feels Good to Help
In any friendship, there are times when your friends need help. As a good friend, you step up to the plate, and do whatever you can to assist. You do it without thinking about what’s in it for you. And when it’s over, you feel good that you were able to do your part. Sometimes, you are the one that needs the help. If you’ve been a good and helpful friend, you’ll find that, without question, your friends are now ready to step up and lend a hand to you. That’s what real friendship is about.

In your social networks, what kind of friend are you? Are you helping out when it’s needed, without expecting anything in return? Are you asking for help when you need it, without being too demanding? Find that balance of helping when you can, and asking for help when you need it. You’ll feel great, and your online experience will be richer for it.

For Good Times, and Bad Times
Ah, the 80′s. A time of bad hairstyles, worse clothes, and Dionne Warwick and Friends. OK, so the song was a bit over the top and cheesy (hey, it WAS the 80′s), but its message was clear. Real friends are friends no matter what – when times are good, it’s great. When times get tough, friends stick together.

As we head on into 2009, I am so optimistic about the possibilities that lie ahead. I’m excited to be involved in collaborations with amazing, talented people like Danny Brown and Kathryn Jennex. I’ve got some business opportunities that are going to change things in a big way. I’ll be teaching college students about new media and social media, and loving every minute of it. At the same time, the economic climate is far from perfect, and this is going to present some unique challenges for all of us. But I am a firm believer that there is strength in numbers. Together, we can celebrate all the good that has come to us through social media, and we can be there for each other as we go through our various struggles. It’s a comfort to know that I have so many people that are part of my online life, who are there for me, just as I am for them, no matter what the future holds.

Social media has changed the way we view friendship. It’s amazing how close I feel to some people; people I’ve never even met face to face! Those that don’t spend a lot of time in social networks may find this a hard concept to grasp. I guess what it comes down to is that this online space is inherently a place of open communication and sharing. The fact that we are able to nurture these aspects of human relationships here naturally lends itself to the creation of valuable and lasting friendships. And that’s a pretty powerful thing.

In what ways are you a good friend?

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Once in a while, someone comes along with an absolutely outstanding idea.

Today, that someone was Danny Brown.

For those of you who don’t know him, Danny is the owner of Press Release PR, a PR consultancy specializing in social media. I’ve gotten to know Danny pretty well over the past several months (although we’ve never met in person!), and we were even co-conspirators on this blog post for David Henderson a couple of months back.

His idea is called “The 12 for 12,000 Challenge in 2009″. The basic idea of Danny’s genius concept is this; if he can find 1200 people to give just $10 a month to one charity a month for 12 months, then $144,000 can be raised. It’s so simple, but I think it could just work – and then some.

The plan is to use the power of social media to spread the word to as many people as possible, and get them all to jump on board and commit to giving their $10 a month for the year. And, as he says on his blog:

The beauty of this challenge is that the decision is entirely down to you and how you participate. If you feel that a particular charity doesn’t fit you, simple – don’t donate that month. (If you wish to donate double to a preferred featured charity, that’s entirely up to you again).

So really, it’s a win win situation. You get to give in the way that best suits you, and 12 terrific charities benefit.

It’s the strength in numbers concept at work here that is really the brilliant part. Imagine if each person in your Twitter network signed up. Then each person in THEIR Twitter network signed up, and so on. The results could be astronomical!

For the full rundown, go to Danny’s blog post “The 12 for 12,000 Challenge in 2009″ and learn how you can get involved. I’ll keep you posted on the latest here too.

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