I’m a shy person. People don’t believe me when I say that – but it’s 100% true.

Shyness is the tendency to withdraw out of fear. The key word there is “tendency”. Outgoingness is about avoiding that tendency. Outgoing as I may be, my tendency towards shy behaviour is still there. Shyness is part of my psyche – and something I have to contend with every single day of my life. I have a theory about shyness – my “Shell Theory” – that with the right approach, anyone is able to break out of their shell.

For me, the last great frontier of overcoming my shyness has been public speaking. The fear of public speaking is often cited as the number one fear among adults in the U.S. – ahead of death. There was a time in my life when the thought of picking up the phone to order a pizza was enough to send me into a panic attack. Standing on a stage, speaking in front of people? Forget about it. When a situation would arise where I’d have to speak in front of people, I’d be so nervous that I’d mess up and fumble badly and I wouldn’t get my point across at all.

Today, I adore public speaking. In fact, I’m doing more and more of it all the time. So how did I break out of my shell? Well, it wasn’t easy, but if public speaking is something you wish you could do more confidently, here’s a little advice.

Knowledge is power. In 1992 when I bought my first car, I decided I wanted a standard transmission, because I’d been told standards are more fun to drive. And since I find driving kind of boring, I thought anything I could do to spice things up would be useful. The problem was, once I got behind the wheel, I couldn’t drive the stupid car to save my life! I stalled, ground, and jerked my way around town, all the while worrying that I was doing some serious damage.

My problem was, I didn’t understand HOW the clutch, gas, and stick shift worked together. I was more or less guessing at the best way to drive the car, and obviously, my guess wasn’t right. So, I called up a friend who happened to be a bit of a mechanical nerd, and asked him to sit down with me and explain, on paper, how a transmission actually worked. He did, and lo and behold, the next time I got behind the wheel, it was smooth sailing.

I took the same approach to public speaking. I knew I had some issues, so I decided to learn how to do it better. I started watching exceptional professional speakers, like Christopher Penn, Mitch Joel, and Seth Godin. I voraciously consumed TEDTalks. I wasn’t listening to the content, I was watching what they do. I was looking at flow, how they worked with visuals, mannerisms, and intonation. Some talks I watched over and over. I started to inject some of what I learned about HOW to speak into my own talks. And it started to work.

Learn by observation. Find people you admire, and study what they do. Don’t copy them exactly, but do take away the things that work. You’ll soon find that you’re able to emulate the masters fairly well. But do make sure that you’re always being yourself, and putting your own spin on things.

Get over yourself. I believe that the number one reason people are afraid to speak in public is because they care really deeply about what others think of them. They are scared to do or say something that will make them look silly. Fear of humiliation is a powerful thing, and unfortunately, most people are too afraid to do anything about it.

The only reason I am able to get up on a stage and talk these days is because I decided to stop caring so much about what other people think. Most of the things we worry about, like that people are going to make fun of us, never, EVER happen. And if it’s not likely to happen, there’s absolutely no point in worrying about it.

So, tell yourself what I tell myself when I start to get nervous about a public appearance. Suck it up, cupcake – this is what you want to do. Just go do it and, as my Dad would say, quit yer bellyachin’. You’ll find that once you stop the voices in your head from telling you all the reasons you CAN’T do it, all the reasons you CAN do it will be crystal clear.

Let go. I was fortunate to speak at the Podcasters Across Borders conference this past weekend in Ottawa. If you are a content creator, you owe it to yourself to attend in 2011 – it’s an amazing experience. I thoroughly enjoyed my time on stage, but I will confess to being just a tad more nervous than usual. I find it’s harder to present in a room full of people I know than a room full of strangers. Also, I was up second last, so I’d already had a full weekend of amazing talks to compare myself to. But, instead of letting the pressure get to me, I decided to use it. I let go of the nerves and used the residual adrenaline that my anxiety had created to add more energy to my talk. Feedback suggests that my strategy worked.

After I was done, I was spent. It was a bit comical, actually – I was more clumsy than usual, and couldn’t put a sentence together to save my life, which makes it plenty of fun when all anyone wants to do at that point is make conversation. However, I was able to find 20 minutes or so to decompress, and let go of the experience. I didn’t criticize myself for my word fumbles, or worry about the fact that I missed a few points here and there. I let it go, and didn’t concern myself with anything else other than it had been an enjoyable experience and something I wanted to do again.

Most of all, public speaking, to me, is about learning and sharing. I learn SO much in the process of preparing to teach a class or do a talk. The preparation process really helps me to piece my thoughts together, and to truly understand the subject matter. Then, it’s all about passionately sharing what I’ve learned with my audience.

What more could a girl ask for?

The following message is brought to you by Shameless Self Promotion. If you’re interested in learning more about the kinds of things I speak about, or maybe even booking me for a gig, feel free to check out my speaking page.

[photo credit: Suzanne Ure on Flickr]

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Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

— Robert Frost

One of the things that has always attracted me to social media is that it allows me to get a glimpse into other peoples’ lives. Reading blogs like In Over Your Head from Julien Smith, or Levite Chronicles from Jon Swanson gives me a snapshot into what someone else is thinking at that moment. Following people on Twitter like Christopher Penn and Danny Brown provides a stream of real time thoughts, feelings and inspiration. Facebook allows me to instantly answer the question “What ever happened to…?” as I pick up where I left off with friends from over the years.

We are more connected to each others’ thoughts and feelings than we have ever been. We can literally follow along as people go about their daily lives, but more than that, in an instant, we can become involved in the story. All it takes is one comment, one reply, or one small note to open up doors we never thought possible.

Thinking of how we’ve intertwined our lives thrills me. I am close friends with people I never thought I’d have an opportunity to meet. I’m doing business with people all over the world, many of whom I’ve never met in person. We’re bonded together, with some sort of technological epoxy, and that bond is not easily broken.

But an issue starts to occur when that bond becomes too significant. We begin to pay too much attention to everyone elses’ life and we start to forget our own focus. We look at all the brilliant people around us, and we start to compare ourselves to them. “Is this blog post going to measure up?”, “Am I saying the right things?”, “Am I the next [name of favourite social media guru]?”

I learn so much from my friends out here in this world. Every day I’m given new things to think about, new ways to expand my business, my career, my spirit. But the minute I start to get too wrapped up in other peoples’ thoughts and opinions, I need to take a step back. I need to get re-focused on my own path. I’ve got to check in with myself every now and again to see where I am on my path.

It’s important to have mentors, it really is. I’ve had some dandy ones, and I still do. Everyone needs people to look up to and learn about success, and failure, and everything in between. It’s all fine and well to be inspired by someone’s achievements, but never, ever, EVER aspire to be “just like” anyone.  Look around you. See those people who are succeeding the way you want to? You can have that too. But you can’t do it the same way they did. Why? Because everyone’s path is different.

Let’s say your dream is to be the CEO of your own successful company. You see someone you know doing this and you want it too; he’s building his company, getting lots of clients, speaking all over the country, and starting to rake in the dough. You begin to study how that person got there, and you start to realize a few things. First, his spouse has a really good full time job, and they were able to afford to be a one-income household for a while. Second, they don’t have kids to feed. Third, he’s got an investor on board who has put forward a good chunk of change to get things moving.

But you’re a single mom, with big rent and big bills and you absolutely can’t afford to give up your day job. You don’t have any investors, and don’t have the time or the money to travel around to try and get some, either. Suddenly your dream of having your own company starts to fade. You go back to life as you know it.

And that is where the problem lies. We spend a lot of time comparing ourselves to others. If you want to be the CEO of your own successful company, it doesn’t matter HOW you get there. What’s important is that you get there.

We all travel our own path in this life. Our lives intersect with others, sometimes very deeply, as with our family, our spouses, our friends, and our mentors. But in the end, it’s just you. You are the one who has to get out of bed every morning and decide what you’re going to do with your life.  You are the one who knows your circumstances better than anyone, and you are the only one who can decide what step to take next. Oh sure, you can ask advice from those close to you, you can read and learn and share and ask questions. But it’s you, and only you, that has to make the decision.

Lots of single moms with little time and less income become successful businesspeople. They do it because they figure out how to succeed in spite of their circumstances. They don’t compare themselves to others. They listen, and learn, and absorb information. But then they make decisions based on what they know deep down inside.

We only get one shot at this life. One shot. If we spend all our  time living through other people, trying to be just like everyone else, then we’re going to wind up on our death bed wondering why we never accomplished much. You can’t achieve anything on someone else’s hand. You get the hand you’re dealt. You must play it. So stop trying to live everyone else’s life, and start living your own.

Go on, then…what are you waiting for?

Photo credit: John-Morgan on Flickr

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As Americans head to the polls today, I am struck by something that I think is pretty profound. For the first time, the Internet is really changing the way this election day is unfolding. Not just for Americans, but for everyone.

Sitting up here in the Great White North, I often wonder why the U.S. elections are such a big deal to non-Americans. Well, people say that the U.S. President is the most powerful man on the planet. I guess that is a compelling reason. As one of the closest neighbours, what happens down there definitely affects what goes on up here. In the past, I remember tuning in to CNN on the night of the election to hear the results. Sometimes, if I got tired of the rhetoric, I’d turn over to the CBC to get the Canadian perspective. That pretty much summed up my consumption of election coverage.

Now, the Conversation Age is upon us…and this changes everything. Here’s why:

You’re all Reporters Now. Christopher Penn of Marketing over Coffee and the Financial Aid Podcast is live on location this morning at his local polling station taking photos with his “nikon and flash”. Someone asked him if he was a reporter. I’m not sure what he said in reply, but I definitely would have said yes! His photo report is online at his blog here. What Chris is providing is a real live account of people’s experience, with no spin, no rhetoric, and no flashy advertisements. He’s capturing a moment and sharing it with the world. And we’re lapping it up. Beats the hell out of CNN, if you ask me. If you see Chris today, buy him a coffee. Or six. He’s working hard to get the real story to you. 

The Body of Influence has Changed. People are influenced by many factors when it comes to deciding who to vote for. Number one is probably the media, only because they are the loudest. Unfortunately with current media biases in the major news networks, this becomes an ineffective way to get the whole truth. Secondary is by listening to the candidates themselves, which can be equally confusing once the spin doctors do their work. Third, we listen to the people around us. We have discussions at family dinners, in coffee shops, over the water cooler…and we learn from others what the issues are and are influenced one direction or another. Well, people, the space around the water cooler is a lot bigger now. Even if you have never used Twitter before, go to Twitter Search (you don’t need an account) and type “vote”, or “Obama”, or “McCain” in the search field. There’s your body of influence now. 

It’s Gone Global. I know some people will be out of sorts with this one. The world does NOT have the right to vote for the U.S. President, obviously. Some would say that it’s inappropriate to even ask this question. After all, do I really want to know or even really care what people on other countries decide? If this was done for Canadian elections, I might say, “It’s my country, my leader, my choice”. But three guys in Iceland decided to ask the question anyway and set up the site “If the world could vote?“. As far as game changers go, this one is by far the most profound in my opinion. Not because it gives people in other countries a voice. But because it allows a snapshot of public opinion in the blink of an eye. This tool allows people from all over the whole world to voice their opinion. Forget the U.S. elections. Imagine the applications of this kind of tool. And the implications.  

Well, that’s my take on the transformation that’s happening around us. It remains to be seen if the influence of the Internet will really have an impact at the end of the day on who gets into power. But one thing I do know – it’s definitely going to be an interesting ride from here on in.

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Back in the late 1990′s, I was working for a gigantic telecommunications company in Canada. “Convergence” was the buzzword of the moment, and the company was on the bleeding edge of converging cable, Internet and telephony into one big pipe. At the time, the average person didn’t really understand what this meant. Now, 12 years later, convergence is here. There are still many regulatory issues to work out, but the technical challenges have pretty much been addressed. The pipe is now big enough to carry all the information we could ever need, in whatever format we need it. 

However, it’s one thing to jam everything in the pipe. It’s entirely another to get people to figure out how to work with all of it. 

There’s been a lot of talk in the blogosphere lately about the line where citizen journalism ends and traditional media begins. Christopher Penn is talking about it.  Mizz Information is talking about it. I’m not really talking about citizen journalism here, though. (Or am I?)

It used to be that mainstream media (radio and television) largely ignored what was going on in cyberspace. Though they might have been searching through other mass media web sites to find information, they were not really spending much time, or putting much effort into what was happening in the blog or social media space. However, I’ve noticed a shift in this lately. The most popular example of this is CNN’s use of Twitter. Rick Sanchez and a whole host of other journalists are using it as a source of information now. Susan Ormiston of the CBC has “Ormiston Online” where she is “trolling the blogs, Twitter and YouTube” for information about the Canadian elections.

Additionally, if a radio or TV show producer wants to have an expert on to talk about Square Dancing in Orleans, Ontario, they are more likely to find that expert by doing a Google Blog Search than anything else. 

What is happening here is really another form of convergence. It’s convergence of content. The lines are quickly becoming blurred as to who is creating content. If my Dad (see Square Dancing above) can create a blog with quality content that appeals to a certain audience, then isn’t he ulitmately doing what mainstream television and radio has been doing for years? More and more often these days, mainstream media is going to the Web to get their information. They are still creating their own content, but the foundation seems to more and more be coming from the online creators. 

Much like the regulatory mess that technological convergence created, this convergence of content is creating some other interesting debates. Where does citizen journalism end and mainstream journalism begin? What are the risks of “everyman” now being the “man on the street”? And, if the media is using my content ( e.g. when Rick Sanchez or Susan Ormiston uses my Tweets on air), should I be compensated? 

Your turn…

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