There’s something about a name.

Tonight, I went down to the local Shawarma joint (Mr. Shawarma, for any Ottawa west-enders looking for the best meal in the ‘hood). I am quite a regular there, stopping in probably once or twice a week – it’s my default meal when hubby is working.

The same man is almost always behind the counter; I think he is the owner. His face lights up when I walk in the door, and it’s not just me – he absolutely beams at every customer that comes in. As he prepares your meal, he always asks how you are doing, makes conversation. Not only is the food great, but this man’s personality just makes you want to keep coming back.

One thing is kind of strange though. I have been going there upwards of 3 years now, and I have never known the man’s name. To me, he’s simply “the smiling guy at Mr. Shawarma”. It has never really even occurred to me what his name is or could be.

Tonight, I walked in, and there he was – beaming from behind the counter as always, as if I had just totally made his day by stepping in the door. “Good evening, my friend!!!”, he said. And then I saw it.

He was wearing a name tag. And suddenly things changed.

Until you know someone’s name, they are just a face. A guy behind a counter. A woman crossing the street. A man sitting next to you at a conference. But once you know their name, your relationship with them changes. Once you know someone’s name, you can introduce them to others, file them in your contacts list, and associate them with particular experiences. Once you know their name, you can really start to relate to them.

Until tonight, the guy at the Shawarma shop was another face. But now, I know that his name is Moustafa. He’s no longer “the smiling guy” to me. He’s “smiling Moustafa”. I feel like somehow I know him better, just because I know his name.

What I’ve realized, is that he still does not know my name. I fully intend to rectify that the next time I drop in.

The people that you see and interact with on a day to day basis – the postman, the newspaper carrier, the pizza delivery guy – do you know their names? We all interact with so many people online, know so much about who they are and what they do. But do you know the name of the woman who sells you lottery tickets at the corner store? Do you know your neighbours’ names? And if you don’t – why not?

I’ve realized that I am guilty of this too. So from here on in, I’m going to make a point of not only expanding my network and my community online, but looking around at the people right next to me, and finding out how I can engage them too.

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There are still a lot of skeptics out there when it comes to trusting other people online. I speak with people all the time who are not involved in online communities. I ask them why they haven’t gotten involved. I get a lot of answers, but perhaps the most interesting response I get is that they don’t trust what they read in the social media space. In other words, they don’t believe that people are being genuine. 

This causes some concern to me, especially since I tend to find the opposite to be true. In my 2 + years of being involved in social media, I have only come across only a very few people who were truly misrepresenting themselves. 

I find it interesting that people have no problem meeting other people at a business meeting, a bar, a conference, or on the street and trusting those people right away. But take away the physical presence, and the story is entirely different. What is it about meeting people online that makes people trust less? It seemsthat if I can’t see you in 3-D, shake your hand, breathe the same air as you, then I can’t trust you. The truth is, I’ve met a lot more people face to face in my life that that I don’t trust than people I’ve met only on the Web. Some people who I’ve known only in person have been capable of great deception and misrepresentation – more than anyone I’ve come across online to this point. 

In fact, I actually think that meeting someone online actually gives me MORE reason to trust them. Why? Because online, people (the trustworthy ones) tend to exist in more than one place. That makes it much easier for me to verify their story.

Case in point: If I meet someone at a restaurant and they give me their business card,  I only have a very little information about them. Their name, their place of employment, their email address. Fact is, I don’t even REALLY know if the card they have given me is theirs (unless their photo is on it – rare). Sure, I can Google them when I get home, but what if their name is John Smith and they work for a giant corporation? Not so easy. 

However, if I meet someone on Twitter, I have multiple ways of verifying their story. I can see how many followers they have. I can ask some of those followers to back up the person’s story. I can check out the person’s blog, see who is linking to it. I can look at where they say they work. I can see pictures of them. Check their LinkedIN profile, their Facebook profile. I can get a pretty good picture in a very short amount of time from someone who has a reasonably broad online presence. I can feel as if I know something about them, have a sense of their honesty and then make a decision on whether or not they are authentic. 

The key to online authenticity is to have a certain level of saturation through many social networks. Here are some ways you can do that:

1. Don’t just exist on Facebook. Get your name out on other social networks, such as Twitter, LinkedIN, Plurk, identi.ca.
2. Consider starting a blog. Don’t have the time? Try Tumblr instead. 
3. Make comments on a variety of blogs. Be authentic when sharing your opinion in these spaces.
4. Be open to people getting in touch with you via email or on your cell phone.

No matter what, always be 100% authentic in your interactions. Don’t falsefy or exagerrate facts about yourself. Don’t want to share your marital or employment status online? Instead of fibbing about it, just don’t say anything. You absolutely have the right to share only that information you are comfortable sharing. 

In the end, it’s up to each of us to judge whether we find someone to be authentic or not, in person or online. If you are unsure of who to trust, the best thing you can do is get involved in the community and begin to listen to the conversations going on around you. You will figure out soon enough who you feel is trustworthy. And anyone who isn’t? That’s what the “Block” button is for.

What do you think? Is authenticity more of an issue online or in person?

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I’ve been reading a lot of blog posts and tweets lately about people being averse to “tooting their own horn”. And I’m not sure I really understand the aversion.

Ok, I know there are lots of spammers out there. I know there are certain types of people that seem to do nothing but shamelessly self-promote their wares. But I think that they are really in the minority.

The blogosphere, the Twitterverse, the Plurk Nation – they are all run by people. People who have something to say. People who want to have conversations, make connections, establish relationships. If we aren’t all out here “tooting”, then what are we doing?

When I update my blog, or my Twitter feed, or my Facebook page, am I not, in some way, promoting myself? Even if I am just saying what I’m up to right now, or I’m replying to someone, or commenting…that’s all promotion of myself, my ideas, my sense of humour…what have you.

I agree that there are good ways and bad ways to toot your horn. Here are a few things that I’ve learned about what I like to call “The Art of Shameless Self-Promotion”.

Admit it.
Louis Gray writes about disclosure and transparency on his blog. So does Chris Brogan. It’s pretty essential and important to consider. Sneaky tricks to promote your stuff are just that…sneaky. So, if you are going to shamelessly self promote, at least admit it! I’ve sent emails to colleagues and friends entitled “Shameless Self Promotion”. Even if they delete the email, at least maybe I’ve got their attention for a second and made them snicker. (Note that I said “friends and colleagues”. I don’t recommend sending these kinds of emails to people that you don’t have an existing, pretty solid relationship with. Make sure the people on your list have a sense of humour about this stuff.)

Be Subtle.
This may seem to be a contradiction to my last point, but it’s not, really. Self Promotion done well is a balance of putting it out there, but doing it in such a way that you are not putting people off. It’s kind of akin to giving someone a gentle tap on the shoulder to get their attention and grabbing them from behind in a giant bear hug. The gentle tapper says “I’m here, if you want see what I’m about”. The bear hugger says “Here I am! Here I am! No, right here! Pay attention to MEEEEE!” See the difference? So go ahead. Self promote, using all your channels, like Twitter, your blog, Facebook, FriendFeed, LinkedIN. Just make sure you aren’t too “in your face” about it.

Gauge Yourself.
Not sure if you are being too overbearing? Well for starters, if you are, people will let you know pretty quickly. Usually they will just start ignoring you, or blocking themselves from your line of fire. What it comes down to is common sense. Does it make sense to send out an unsolicited email to everyone on your contact list and all your Facebook friends and all your Twitter followers about your latest blog post? Of course not. Does it make sense to do a quick post to Twitter, and maybe a link on your Facebook profile? Sure. Why? Because the latter method is non-intrusive. It gives people a choice if they want to buy in to your self-promoting ways. And if they don’t? So be it. At least you’ve put the word out.

The #1 Way to Shamelessly (and subtly) Self Promote
I am surprised all the time by the new people that come across my blog. And you know the #1 way people find me? Through comments I make on other people’s blogs. Yup. Not through my Tweets, not through my Facebook, LinkedIN or anything else. I comment on people’s blogs. Probably 5 to 10 a day. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying go out and put inane comments on a bunch of blogs to get your name out there. What I AM saying is go out there and make a contribution to the community. Get involved in the conversation. Express yourself. If you do this with integrity, people will visit you because they are interested in what you have to offer. This is the give and take game of social media. And when you play it right, the rewards will be real and fulfilling.

So go ahead – toot your own horn!

Photo credit: Fiskfisk on Flickr.

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Recently I’ve heard rumblings around the Blogosphere and the Twitterverse that “cliques” are forming on Twitter. Cliques that are intentionally excluding people from conversations, cliques who are self-interested, existing only to promote their latest book or seminar, or just trying to be the most popular. I know the self-interested promoters exist. I unfollow them all the time.

But, I have a problem with people throwing around words like “cliques” when it comes to Twitter, and other social networks, and here’s why:

1) Communities are like that. I follow some 700 people. When I decide to spend some time hanging out on Twitter, I probably scan tweets from 50 to 100 people. Of those 50 to 100, I probably follow conversations of about 10. Of those 10, I probably get into conversations with about 3. Typically, I have about 20 or so people I converse with regularly on Twitter. Does that make me cliquey? No. It makes me part of a community. I couldn’t possibly have conversations with everyone I meet on the street in my neighbourhood every day. I simply don’t have the time. So I centre out those people who share common interests, a common sense of humour, etc. And I engage them. I’m not out to exclude anyone, I’m trying to be practical about my interactions. And so are most Twitterfolk.

2) Some of these people are friends. I have several people on Twitter that I consider friends. Many of those friends I have met in person, spent time with. Others I haven’t met yet, but for whatever reason we have connected online. It stands to reason that friends will talk with friends. They are not trying to be exclusive of others, they are just being friends.

3) Jealousy will get you nowhere. It seems that most of the “clique” accusations are aimed at the celeb bloggers. Someone sent a Tweet to Robert Scoble and he didn’t write back right away? Oh, he must be a snob. He must be in a clique. I’m serious, these are the things I’m reading sometimes. Here’s the unique thing about the social media celeb phenomenon. The famous people are part of our community. It’s like we all show up at the same nightclub, and they are in the room with us. But you know what? They are there to have a good time with THEIR friends, too. So if they don’t run over and talk to YOU, don’t take it personally. Make a nice comment if you want (as long as you are sincere). But don’t expect Mr. or Ms. Celeb Blogger to come rushing over to give you a big hug and be your best friend. Like you, they have other things to do. Move on and make your own communities. I find that just about everyone is as interesting as Mr. Popular.

I do believe that Twitter’s “cliques” are imaginary. In my social network interactions, I find overwhelmingly that people are open, sincere, helpful and just plain nice. And the ones that aren’t those things – they aren’t worth my time.

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I’ve been fortunate to spend a good chunk of time in Newfoundland and Labrador. Even though I’m not from the Eastern part of Canada, I feel very in tune with the people there. Perhaps it’s in my blood, because my Dad is from New Brunswick. Perhaps I can relate to the culture because I grew up on an isolated island on the West coast. Perhaps it’s my family’s Scottish roots. Whatever the reason, I have a really special place in my heart for that part of the country.

One of my favourite things to do in Newfoundland is go to kitchen parties. The best parties always end up in the kitchen. The East coast kitchen party is a legendary event. It’s all about friends, music and stories. Kitchen parties can happen at any time of the day or night, and it’s a come as you are kind of affair. People drop in and out as they please, have a drink, say hi, meet new people, see old friends, and share a laugh or a story. Everyone is welcomed with open arms to participate, whether it’s telling a story or playing a tune. It just makes you feel good to be there.

Not unlike the social network.

In a social network, I can show up when I want and leave when I want. I can talk to my friends or make new friends and bring them into the conversation. I can do it any time of the day or night. I can tell stories. I can listen to stories. It definitely makes me laugh often and hard. I feel welcome in this space. I am encoruaged to share my stories as much as the next person. And I feel good being there.

When I think about what really motivates me to be involved in social networks, I guess it’s because I get a lot of the same things out of it that I get from going to parties. I’ve never been to an East coast party where I didn’t meet someone new, learn something new, hear wonderful stories and laugh my butt off in the process. And it seems like with my online life these days, I meet new people, learn new things and hear really great stories every single day. And I absolutely bust a gut much of the time too.

So, I believe the essence of both the kitchen party and the social network is to connect people.

Lately, I’ve been working on some ways to teach people who are new to the concept about social networks and social media. Technology has a tendency to be very impersonal. To the outside world, there is a lack of understanding about how much of a connection one can really make through a keyboard and mouse.

Comparing the social network to something everyone can relate to, like a party, starts to foster some kind of understanding of what the real benefits are. It doesn’t matter if you are a blogger, a Twitterer, or an Instant Messenger…just like it doesn’t matter if you’re a late night kitchen partier or an afternoon barbequer. It’s about the incredible things that can happen when people connect with each other. And that’s something anyone can understand.

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