I’m witnessing such an influx these days of “Learn how to Tweet” courses, and “Use Facebook to Win Clients and Influence People” workshops. It’s got me quite frustrated. I’m also growing weary of the “Want to Pick My Brain? That will be $400,000 a day!” conversation.

I’m afraid we’re moving away from the things we should be focusing on in order to be successful (and help our clients be successful) in the world of online communication. We’re focused on money and tools again.

We need to focus on the people.

Take me to the common ground. It’s a little known fact, that in my spare time, I study World Religions. I’ve always had a fascination for different faiths and cultures, but what I’m most into is looking at religion as a whole, and finding the common threads through them, and how those commonalities play themselves out in teachings, belief structure and ritual. I’m far from a scholar on this subject, though if I ever decide to go to university, this is what I’ll study.

One of the commonalities of all religions is compassion. The Buddha defined compassion and presence. Jesus was compassion personified, and he did his best to teach others too. Compassion is also a central part of the Muslim and Jewish faiths. Most people are taught compassion from a very young age, through their family’s faith system. Even those that are not brought up in a religious household are able to pick things up from their teachers, and hopefully their family members.

So it stands to reason that most of us should understand, and practice compassion without too much trouble, right? Sure, we try, but I don’t think that we’re always succeeding at being compassionate.

True compassion is not easy. It’s not hard to pat a friend on the back when he’s having a bad day. But to do it with genuine compassion? That can take a lot out of you. Because being genuinely compassionate means seeing the situation from somebody else’s point of view – and that can be painful. It can be hard for us to face our own problems on a daily basis, let alone others’!

So I think that the average person, when faced with being truly compassionate, will pick and choose their battles carefully. They’ll take on the burden of pain for their children, or their spouse, or their immediate family. But when it comes to other friends, colleagues, or especially people we interact with online? Much, much harder.

Here’s the thing though. Being truly compassionate is one of the primary ways to develop trust within your networks. And the first key to cultivating compassion is to be a really, really good listener. And isn’t that what we’re all saying about building social media strategies? Listen first?

Here’s the difference between “listening” and “listening compassionately”. Listening is about searching for keywords, finding people who are talking about the thing you’re interested in, and monitoring until someone says the right thing at the right moment, so you can pounce. Listening compassionately is not only about finding those conversations, but listening to what people are really talking about. Don’t just search for a keyword. Read what’s being said. Understand what problems exist. Ask relevant questions. Get involved in the emotion and passion of what other people care about. Only with a compassionate ear, will you be able to get to the heart of matters, and then figure out how what you offer, or sell, or want to market can help.

The pleasant side effect of this approach is, it takes time to listen compassionately. So, you’re not jumping in to the conversation right away, offering a solution, or shilling your wares (which never works). You’re taking time to hear other people out, to ask them questions, to get to know them – to develop a relationship based on trust, and…you guessed it! Compassion.

A lot of people won’t bother with the compassionate route. It takes too much time. It can be emotionally draining. So, the very nature of being compassionate gives you a strategic advantage.

Compassion is hard work, but it’s far from draining. I have no trouble getting to sleep at night because I’m feeding off the emotion and energy of the people I’m working with – online and off. I’m giving so much of myself, but in return I’m getting so much back. And because of this exchange of energy, my business is thriving and my personal relationships are strong.

And isn’t exchange of energy and compassion what life is all about?

On The Dalai Lama’s Facebook page this morning, was the following quote:

“Some people think that cultivating compassion is good for others but not necessarily good for themselves, but this is wrong. You are the one who benefits most directly since compassion immediately instills in you a sense of calm, inner strength, and a deep confidence and satisfaction, whereas it is not certain that the object of your feeling of compassion will benefit.”

His Holiness is saying that in fact, cultivating compassion creates a calming force in our life. It’s the ultimate satisfaction, because being compassionate enables us to listen more intently, and speak our minds more clearly – even if we’re not certain our energy will be understood or reciprocated. Compassion is selfless, but the irony is, it actually benefits us first.

Be a better communicator – just by cultivating compassion. Kinds makes sense, eh?

[photo credit: Jesslee Cuizon on Flickr]

Share/Save

In case you’re just tuning in, here’s what happened the other day.

Flash forward, 5:30pm today. I delicately removed my formerly soaked iPhone from its cozy rice bath, where it had spent the past 48 hours or so. I ever so carefully plugged it in.

Nothing happened.

Then, the faintest glow, of the battery recharge symbol. 15 seconds….30 seconds….45 seconds…

And there it was. The Apple logo, bright and clear as the day I got the phone and turned it on for the first time. 30 seconds….50 seconds…1 minute 20 seconds.

Home screen.

Amazing! Outstanding! Marvelous! The rice bath worked. It really, really worked! My husband is a genius!!!

As for my life without my precious mobile device the past two days? Not so bad.

Did I feel disconnected? Sure I did. Did the world end? Of course it didn’t. Did my productivity go down? Marginally.

The truth is though, I’m glad to have my technology back.

Does it seem ridiculous to you that I’m even writing this? After all, what’s the big deal? It’s just a tool. And as I’ve said before, it’s not about the tools. To some of you, it probably seems sort of silly that I’m putting so much emphasis on this event.

In the end, of course I could live without my technology. We all could.

What I do know is, I choose not to live without it. Because it adds a dimension of productivity, and connection, and fun to my work and my play. And I’m grateful that I get to have access to these wonderful tools.

And I’m not about to give it up any time soon.

Share/Save

This is a true story.

Last night, I was in the bathroom. I washed my hands, then leaned over the (yes, it was clean!) toilet to grab a Kleenex. In one fell swoop, my iPhone slid from the pocket of my hoodie and…..kerplop. Yes. Ker. Plop.

I panicked, grabbed the sopping wet phone from the water (did I mention, the toilet was CLEAN??). I dried it off as best I could with a towel. The screen was a dull flicker, from the Apple logo to nothing…Apple logo…nothing. Now, before the incident, the phone itself was completely dead – the battery had just died and I was on my way to plug it in to the charger for the night. So, at this time I have no way of knowing if it’s going to be okay or not.

I’m slightly reassured by a similar incident that happened to a friend last week, where her iPhone ended up running through an entire washing machine cycle, and came out totally, totally fine. My hubby immediately went online to try and find out what we could do. As a result, my iPhone is currently getting a 48 hour rice bath, and I’m crossing my fingers.

But here’s the interesting part.

I’m more upset than I thought I’d be.

It’s not the phone itself that I’m grieving. What’s causing my emotional distress is what the phone does for me.

That device is my phone, yes, but that’s the part I use the least. It’s also my Email on the road, my To Do list, Calendar, Weather Map, Daily News, Text Messaging service, and myriad other useful things. My mobile device is fully integrated into my life. Some things are a comfortable habit – I have a wake up routine, where I pick up my phone, and, still in bed, read the news, and if I’m not feeling like getting up right away, maybe I check Twitter, Email, Facebook and the like.

This morning, I reached over, and my phone wasn’t there. So I just got out of bed. It felt a bit weird. I’m sure as I go through the day today, I’ll reach for it some more. Instead of checking my phone when I’m waiting in line at the coffee shop, I’ll have to do something else. Instead of replying to emails while I’m out and about today, I’ll have to wait till I get home to my computer.

Now, there is a certain segment of the population who will probably tell me all that is a good thing. We’re too attached to our technology anyway. We don’t have to be “on” 24/7. But here’s the thing. Having a mobile device with me as I go through my day makes me much more productive. I’m tracking tasks, scheduling appointments, replying to emails, communicating via text with my team, and keeping up on the days’ events all while I am on the go. I steal moments here and there to do these things, so nothing piles up. As a result, my inbox is always relatively clear, and my schedule is always relatively sane.

What I’m worried about (particularly if the rice bath doesn’t work and I have to go shopping for a new smart phone) is that the failure of my technology is going to cause my systems to fail too. That what’s already going to be a busy and stressful week will be made more so because I can’t manage my information on the fly.

Then again..maybe it will teach me some new ways of doing things.

I’m not upset about my phone. That’s just a thing, and things can be replaced. I’m upset about the impact it has on my systems. But, because I always try to see the positive side of any situation, I’m going to look at this as an experiment – to see if I can improve my systems, by having them ripped out from under me.

And, in the meantime, I have this very cute little retro Motorola V300 that my husband found laying around. I’ve decided I’m going to choose the cheesiest ring tone available, and hope that lots of people call me, just so I can feel all 2005. I’ll have the sheer, er….joy of typing text messages on a 10 button phone pad again.

You know what? At least I still have a phone, and at least I have text messages. Those systems are intact. We’ll see about the rest after a few days.

Wish me luck!

UPDATE: The Motorola phone has seen better days. So, my business partner is kindly lending me her old BlackBerry Pearl to use in the meantime. Feeling a little better that at least I’ll have email on the go. And a QWERTY keyboard.

Share/Save

I had lunch yesterday with a friend I hadn’t seen in 13 years. It’s amazing how, with some people, you can just pick up where you left off. I am glad we’ve reconnected and look forward to getting to know her again.

We talked and shared what we’d been up to the past several years. She told me about her new business, and the musical pursuits she’d been working on. I told her about getting married, starting a business, and my own musical pursuits. As I was weaving in and out of various storylines, I suddenly had an amazing realization – that one simple action I’d taken 11 years ago literally changed the course of my life. I’ll explain.

As I mentioned in a previous post, I’d come through some struggles in the mid 1990′s with my health. Flash forward to about 1998, and my life had changed dramatically. I’d now graduated from my 2nd run at college, and was working in the high tech industry as a content developer and teacher. I lived in my own apartment now and was exceptionally happy with both my work and my new circle of friends. With my life back on track, I started to seek out new creative pursuits. I knew I wanted to get back into singing, but wasn’t sure how. Quickly enough, life got busy again and I put that dream on the back burner.

Then one day, I was casually perusing our local arts and entertainment newspaper, and I came across a tiny little ad in the classified section. “Womens’ Choir auditions – phone xxx-xxxx to sign up”. Having never done a singing audition in my life, I quickly pushed the thought aside, thinking they were probably looking for more experienced singers. However, over the next few days, the thought of that ad kept nagging at me for some reason. With nothing to lose, I finally sucked it up and picked up the phone. My audition was set for the following Thursday.

Skip forward, I was fortunate to get into the choir, a womens’ choir about 40 strong called “Vox Femina”. I proceeded to spend the next 4 years forging some amazing friendships with some terrific women, performing all over the place, including down in the U.S.

One day, I was approached by one of my choir mates. She was thinking of forming an a capella quartet and they were looking for someone to fill the baritone part. I was flattered to be asked and decided it was a great new challenge for me. I joined that group, called Solera, and we proceeded to have another amazing 4 years, performing all over town and even singing the national anthem at a few baseball games too. The four of us became close friends, and we had a blast.

The quartet disbanded when one of the gals moved away to Toronto and another moved to Newfoundland. A few months later, I was set to head down to Toronto for a weekend visit with my friend, and I came across another ad, this time online, for an event called ‘Podcamp Toronto‘. I asked my friend if she’d like to join me to check it out that weekend, and since it was free, we had nothing to lose.

I walked into that event, was warmly greeted by many amazing people, and had my eyes opened wide to a whole new world. What I learned about new media that weekend and what I’ve been able to learn since has literally changed the direction of my business and the way that opportunities have flowed to it. I owe much of my success to the people in that room that weekend.

So you see, if it wasn’t for having a reason to go to Toronto that particular weekend (to see my friend), I wouldn’t have gone to Podcamp and probably wouldn’t have been inspired to start blogging or engaging on social platforms. If it wasn’t for the quartet, I’d have never become good friends with the person I was visiting that weekend. If it wasn’t for the choir, I’d have never been in the quartet. If it wasn’t for me happening upon that tiny newspaper ad that day, I’d have never known about the choir.

That tiny ad changed my life.

But most importantly – my intention (wanting to get more into music) and my action (picking up the phone, practicing hard for my audition) brought the rest of it into reality.

Kinda neat how that works, eh?

Express your intention. Ask for what you want. Take action. And pay close, close attention to the little, seemingly insignificant events in your life, because often, they are the ones that have the biggest impact.

Do you have a story about one event that changed the course of your life? Please share in the comments!

[photo credit: GiantsFanatic on Flickr]

Share/Save

It’s funny – whenever I hear the expression “Peace and Quiet”, I always think of my Mom marching into the living room when us kids were being obscenely loud and boisterous, with her voice raised “Would you kids go outside? I need some Peace and Quiet!”.

I think she was onto something.

When was the last time you had Peace and Quiet? If you’re like the average person, between noisy offices, loud traffic, bustling restaurants, stores and malls, and houses full of rambunctious children, and snoring spouses, your last moment of actual Peace and Quiet might be hard to remember.

But here’s the thing.

If your life is one continuous stream of noise, you never have a moment to just be. Your days will just meld together, one thing after another. You’ll always feel like you’re climbing uphill, but never reaching the top. Life will feel like a struggle, hopping from one thing to the next, and when you look back, you’ll see that you’re not really getting anywhere. Worst of all, your work, your relationships, and your body may start to suffer.

I’m speaking from experience here. There was a time in my life about 15 years ago when I worked 80-90 hours a week. Now, these days, I still work that much many weeks. But the big difference between then and now is, back then, I would work work work, then spend the rest of my time hanging out socially with the people I worked with. I would be out of the house from early in the morning, till late at night, every day, all the time. There were points where the only thing I did at my apartment was sleep and eat breakfast. I always had to be going somewhere, moving, having external stimulation of some sort.

Why? I was afraid to spend too much time in my own head. I felt like the ideas I got, the things I thought about in those times were foolish, and useless. Nothing practical ever came out of thinking too much. I can’t explain why, other than that for various reasons, my self esteem had taken some blows. I felt that if I focused entirely on the outside world, then I didn’t have to be accountable to what was happening on the inside.

This went on for some time. Then, suddenly, my health took a dive. I wound up spending nearly 9 months between 1994 and 1995 sick with a few different things. I even had to have surgery. I had to take time off work, then go back only part time for a while. I spent most of the year on some sort of medication. It turned out, my illnesses were the physical manifestation of complete emotional and physical burnout. Unfortunately for me, the only way I was able to realize the damage my “always-on” lifestyle was causing was to wind up flat on my back.

And it was the best thing that ever happened to me.

Hey, who’s that? Oh, it’s me. I was 24 years old, lying in bed, flat on my back, with my Mom feeding me chicken soup and crackers. I had the opportunity to spend an awful lot of time…doing nothing. At first it was really, really difficult. I was going stir crazy. I needed constant stimulation, TV, music, books. Eventually that got boring, so I was stuck with no other choice than to be inside my own brain. And then, something remarkable started to happen.

I found out it wasn’t so bad in there.

As I sat, in my forced Peace and Quiet, all of these thoughts started to flood in. Because I was off work, my thoughts were not being filtered by the stresses of my job, or the opinions of my friends. My thoughts were just….me. I found myself taking an interest in things again – not just blankly going through the motions. I found myself wanting to write more, wanting to play music, get in shape, and find some hobbies. I found out that I’d been a stranger to myself for the past several years. And suddenly, I’d been re-introduced to myself. And it wasn’t so bad.

I also rediscovered my family and other friends outside my job. I realized that I’d been pushing these people aside, not making them a priority. Spending time on my parents’ couch recovering, I was able to reconnect with them. This was in the days before social networks, but I was able to gab on the phone with some old friends, and have great visits from others. Once I was up and around again, I could go for walks, or have coffee or lunch with my “outside of work” friends. It was fun, and I realized how much I’d been missing.

The Power of Peace and Quiet. Once I recovered, I had a completely new outlook on things. I had made up my mind, first of all, that I was going to change careers. I’d had enough of the burnt out, always-on, stressful lifestyle and work culture that working at the TV station had forced upon me. I knew it was going to take some time and money, so I set on a course to save up so I could afford to quit my job and go back to school (it took 2.5 years before I made the break). I also decided to change my social situation. I ended some unhealthy relationships and reconnected with my real friends. I invested in some new things for my home, so I’d feel more comfortable in my own surroundings. Eventually, I moved into my own apartment (no roommates) so I’d have even more control of my surroundings.

But most importantly, I started seeking Peace and Quiet. I learned walked away from my stressful work days and into a place of tranquility, whether it was working on my hobbies, going for long walks, or just sitting quietly. It was challenging sometimes. I had to fight hard to not fall back into my old habits. Some of my friends didn’t understand my lack of interest in this party or that. But I knew I had to be okay with it. My own health and sanity depended on my focus on finding my Peace and Quiet.

How to find your Peace and Quiet. It’s a busy life. A crazy, busy life. We are all involved in a million things, and nowadays, we add our online life into the mix. Information and busyness is swirling around us. Finding our Peace and Quiet is a challenge. But you have to do it, in spite of your 80 hour job or your 3 small children or the demands of your social life. And you have to make sure you find some Peace and Quiet EVERY DAY.

There are lots of ways to do it. You can be like my Mom, and send the kids outside for a while. You can pray, or meditate. You can write. Walk the dog, or just walk yourself. You have to stop making excuses and start making the time, because if you don’t, you’ll wind up not being able to care for anyone or anything, like I did.

So, where are you going to find your Peace and Quiet today?

Share/Save

On Tuesday night, I’m attending It’s a Girl Thing, a fundraiser being put on by United Way/Centraide Ottawa. This lovely evening of pampering is taking place at Third Avenue Spa, and we’ll be hanging out with the lovely and talented Kimothy Walker from CTV News, having mini-massages, mini-manicures, Aveda makeup demos, cocktails, and the chance to bid on  some great silent auction items and some freebies too! Oh, I also heard that blues guitarist Steve Marriner will be on hand to give us a private concert!

You could use a night of pampering, right? I thought so. Well, the amazing Stacey at United Way/Centraide has given me TWO tickets to give away (a $100 value)!

All you have to do to enter the contest is tell me, in the comments, why YOU think you deserve to be pampered. I’ll give the pair of tickets to only one winner, so they can bring a friend.

I’ll select the winner on Monday evening.

Good luck!

Share/Save

This year I’m turning 40. I think that number might be a bigger deal to my parents than to me (What? Your youngest child is 40???). I actually think it’s kind of cool that I’ve made it this far! I sure as heck don’t feel 40. I don’t really look 40 either, or so I’m told. Some days I feel 40. Most of the time I just feel like me. But this milestone year has me thinking about certain behaviours I’m prone to, and I’ve made some changes along the way. Every now and again I slip up a bit, and start to slide back into old habits. We all do. One thing I do to counteract this is, I step back and re-evaluate periodically. The change of seasons is the perfect time to do this.

We often look at the beginning of the year as a time for fresh starts. We diligently make resolutions, and vow that this year is going to be different. If you’re human, many of these resolutions have long fallen by the wayside, and now we’re back in the mire of the day to day, struggling to manage and keep up and stay sane. With Spring in the air, we all have a chance to do some re-evaluating, celebrate the successes, and continue to work on the things we’re struggling with.

It’s an opportunity for a fresh start – so here are some thoughts on where to begin.

Reduce the clutter. Over my past couple of posts, I’ve talked about de-cluttering. Whether it’s your schedule or your inbox, it’s important to wipe the slate as clean as possible, so you can see what’s hanging you up and where you may need to make adjustments. Block out some time in the next few days to actually clear out those 99,648 unread emails in your inbox (even if that means hitting “delete all”.) Get up close and personal with your calendar and to-do lists, and figure out where your time is going, where you need to focus more, and what you need to say “no” to. And finally, but perhaps most importantly, clean your desk. Throw out/donate/file/recycle anything you don’t need. Your mind will be clearer and you’ll be ready to focus on what you need to do.

Move every day. Many of us work on computers all day long. We sit and sit, then finally get up, stiff and sore, realizing we haven’t moved around for about 4 hours. This is even more true for those of us who work from home. It seems at an office, there’s more reason to get up and move, whether it’s to trek to the washroom or go see a colleague. If you’re not moving enough, you’ll know. I get twitchy when I’m not moving enough.

I think that too many people believe that exercise has to be a big deal. They go out and spend $75 a month on a gym membership, sign up for $100 worth of yoga classes (not to mention the $300 to buy all the fancy clothes and accessories), then feel guilty because they aren’t making it to their workouts often enough. Exercise does not have to be complicated or expensive. If you have a pair of running shoes and a door, then put the shoes on, open the door, and put one foot in front of the other for 30 minutes a day. You can even go fast (run) if you’re inclined. Then come back inside and download the YogaMazing podcast for the low low cost of FREE, and breathe and stretch.

Move around some every day. Put it in your calendar so you’ll do it. It is good for your body, and your mind. A half hour a day, and you’ll be more productive and less stressed, I promise.

Re-evaluate, and adjust. If you’re like me, you probably came up with some goals at the beginning of the year. I wrote them down, and created a path to achieve them. I looked at them again the other day, and realized a couple of things. First, some of the goals had changed. Some of the stuff I thought was important 3 months ago actually turned out to not be that important after all. Second, lots of the paths had changed. I’m still on track to reach the goal, but circumstances have dictated that I need to take a slightly different path to get there.

It’s important to stay focused on your goals, but it’s equally important to revisit your goals often and adjust the paths if necessary. In my experience, the path to a goal is never what you think it’s going to be. Situations can change on a dime. A single phone call or email or chance meeting can flip things in an instant, for better or for worse. Being able to be resilient and being open to making adjustments on the fly is critical to staying on track. Don’t resist what comes into your life at any given moment. Embrace it, and figure out how it fits in.

What it’s really all about. I’m at my best when I am rolling along with life, as we all are. It’s hard for me, because I’m pre-disposed to control-freakedness and compulsive worrying. Every day, I do my best to wake up in a mind set that I’m going to allow the events in my life to unfold before me, rather than trying to control my circumstances all the time. When I can get into this mind space, something remarkable happens – things unfold exactly as they should. What’s even more remarkable is, when I’m busy worrying and trying to control everything, things…well they unfold, exactly as they should. So if things are going to happen exactly as they should anyway, why bother worrying about them? Why not just focus on what I am doing every moment and let the rest sort itself out?

Reduce the clutter in your life. Move every day. Re-evaluate, and adjust. Let things unfold. It takes some getting used to, but good habits take time to form. With a little time, your fresh start will evolve into your way of life.

Thoughts?

Share/Save

Do you have a zillion things going on? Yeah, me too. Work, school, side projects a-plenty, friends, family, house stuff…I’m swamped. And I don’t even have kids – so I have no idea how you parents do all this stuff AND manage little ones. Kudos to you on that!

I’m often asked how I manage it all, and I’m telling you, it’s not easy. But I’ve learned over the years, especially after suffering stress-related health issues in the past, that having control in the midst of chaos is critical to not only my success but is directly linked to my sanity.

We are all extraordinarily busy. We all want to have the time to focus on what’s important in our lives. We don’t want to be slaves to our inbox, or our telephone. But when information is being hammered at us every hour of every day, how do we keep from losing control altogether?

You are what you eat. Oh, my Mom’s been telling me this for YEARS. My biggest downfall (and the biggest contributor to my waistline) is that when I get too busy, I don’t eat properly. I work and work and work, and put off eating until I’m famished, then because I’m starving I make poor choices (i.e. PB and J or boxed mac and cheese for supper instead of something green). Day after day I continue to eat poorly, and then suddenly I start having trouble. I feel tired all the time. I lose concentration. My tummy troubles flare up. I get anxious for no reason. Then I realize that I haven’t eaten a vegetable in 5 days, and it all becomes clear.

It’s hard to prepare food and eat well when you barely have enough time to get a shower in the morning. But I’m getting better, and it starts with planning meals for me and my husband. I like to cook, but I hate cooking when I don’t know what to make. By laying it all out at the beginning of the week, then grocery shopping based on the list, I’m able to actually enjoy preparing meals again. The tools are simple (and it’s not about the tools). I use my desktop calendar (iCal) to write in the meal for each day. Then I use ShopShop on my iPhone to poke in the grocery list based on what I need to make the meals. Meals that we like get put into a list in Evernote, so when I make my weekly meal plan, I can refer to that list for ideas. My parents have done a low-tech version of this for years. And you know what – it totally works. We’re eating less takeout because we’re not stuck at 4pm trying to decide what’s for dinner.

Live and die by your calendar. I’m a spontaneous person, and that’s a good thing, but sometimes it causes havoc in my schedule. I double book, or end up with six 15 hour days in a row without a break. Mostly, that happens when I fail to write stuff down. So, I’ve started a system of incessant scheduling. I write something in the calendar as soon as it has a date associated with it, even if it’s tentative. I even schedule exercise. (e.g. 4pm walk the dog, 6am do yoga). It’s the only way that important stuff gets done around here. It also helps me to balance my weeks – I work from home a lot of the time, so booking “meeting days” helps me to balance my ‘office’ time with my ‘out and about’ time, so I’m not always racing back and forth to things.
Get your calendar in shape – it doesn’t matter whether you use a paper daytimer or an electronic calendar, but what is most important is that you have a calendar you can carry with you all the time. Because if it doesn’t get in the calendar the minute you think of it, chances are you’ll forget and double book. And, once it’s in the calendar, you can forget about it. One less thing on your already busy mind.

Write it down. I think one of the major causes of stress is that we have so many things we need to remember to do on a daily basis. And if those things are all fluttering around inside our head, we’re having to revisit them mentally over and over again until they are done. Have you ever had a bunch of daily errands, one of which was to take your pants to the dry cleaners? And while you’re out running around, all you can think is “I’ve got to get these pants to the dry cleaners”. Then, when you finally arrive back home, you hop out of the car, look in the back seat, and there are your pants? Ironic, eh? The very thing you obsessed about doing is the very thing that didn’t get done.

The solution to getting more accomplished is to write it down on a list. The secret to succeeding with lists is to be specific. Don’t just write “Go to dry cleaners”, or “Work on marketing plan”. That’s not detailed enough. If you just write “work on marketing plan”, then your mind will still be occupied with “I’ve got to first get the strategy down, then decide my vehicles, then the timeline etc.”, before you even get started! Be specific. Write down EXACTLY what you need to do. “Take pants to dry cleaners”, “Write the strategy and timeline for my marketing plan”. Not only will the task actually get accomplished once you set out to do it, you’ll be able to forget it entirely until it’s time to do it. Your mind will be clear for other things. You’ll be more focused. Try it!

Keep it clean. I like things to be tidy, but sometimes it gets away on me. My desk starts to resemble a tornado zone, with papers and books piled up so high they are tipping over. When I feel closed in physically, I’m way less productive. You may think you can work amidst clutter, but that’s not really the case. If your desk is cluttered, you’ll be more distracted, either by those books you haven’t had time to read, or the business cards you’ve yet to file. So, schedule time to clean up your desk once in a while. It’s liberating – you’ll throw out a bunch of stuff you don’t need, file the things you need to keep, and clear a space physically so your mind can be cleared as well. Schedule it in your calendar now, and set a recurring appointment to clean your workspace once every couple of weeks (or days, if you’re really messy). It’s important.

Down time = sanity. Last, but definitely not least, rest. The #1 way to put my sanity over the edge is to not get enough rest. When I was younger, I used to think that pulling all-nighters or working 18 hours a day, 7 days a week was some sort of badge of honour…until I ended up spending the better part of 1994 either in the hospital or home sick in bed. It took months of bad health for me to realize that working hard and working all the time were two different things.

Today, my philosophy is this: when you’re working, work your butt off. When you’re resting, rest your butt off. But most importantly, define what it is that you do for rest. It doesn’t have to be flaking out on the sofa all weekend (unless it is). For me, rest is spending time having coffee or dinner with my friends and family, traveling to crazy conventions in the Midwest with my husband, socializing online (yes, Twitter isn’t ALWAYS about work for me!), reading, writing, being outdoors – all active things. It’s about getting your brain out of your day to day and into something different. Whether you’re being a couch potato or going for a run, down time is as much about resting the brain as taking care of your body.

Having trouble finding the time for down time? Go back to point #2 – and schedule it in. Not only will it be more likely to get done, you’ll have something to look forward to.

There you have it – that’s how I keep control. But what about you? Please share your tips in the comments!

Share/Save

A few weeks ago, I showed this video from Gary Vaynerchuk to my class. It’s about cold calling, and if you’ve ever been hesitant to pick up the phone and ask someone to do business with you, then you should watch it. You might just get up the guts to do it.

Or not.

You see, Gary’s the kind of guy who just does things, like picking up the phone on “live” video and calling someone out of the blue. He’s one of the most incredibly self motivated, outgoing, and uninhibited people I’ve ever met.  A lot of other people, even though they are very outgoing, still have HUGE issues with cold calling. I  keep that video nearby, so I can look at him when I need to be reminded of what I’m aspiring to be.

All this, and a brief conversation with my friend Kneale Mann this morning, has gotten me thinking about these issues we sometimes have with getting out there, picking up the phone, standing in front of a room full of people, or walking up and introducing ourselves to strangers. It all stems from the same issue – fear of rejection.

When you really take a moment to think about what fear of rejection really is, you begin to see how silly it is.

Schoolyard follies. I wasn’t one of the most popular kids in school. I was often the new kid, because I moved around quite a bit. I always had some issues fitting in at first, as most kids did. I had my share of scuffles in the schoolyard (sorry Mom), and was teased quite a bit because I was shy and not overly outgoing. I was easy fodder for the cliques.  Oh sure, I ended up making friends after a while, but it was hard for me. I’m sure if I asked around to many of my colleagues and friends today, they’d have similar stories about fitting in. My point is, fear of rejection is ingrained in us early on. We try to fit in with our school chums by being ourselves, and if they turn us away, it sticks with us. As we grow up, it only stands to reason that being ourselves equals rejection. And so it begins.

Tell me about yourself. We get out of school, and into the workforce. If there’s any place you have to be able to fit in, it’s in a work environment. It starts with the job interview. Going in to meet a total stranger, and trying to impress them with not only your skill set but your outgoing personality can be daunting, to say the least. And since we’ve already been taught that it doesn’t take much to be rejected, the fear becomes pretty intense. And then, if the dreaded rejection actually happens, and you don’t get the job, then you’re right back to your days of crying in the schoolyard. However, if you DO get the job, you’re equally screwed. Because now you have to be the new kid again, fitting in with your co-workers, and proving to your boss that you are actually capable of the things you said you were. Every day you get to be on the cutting edge of rejection. Fun, eh?

So why is this silly?

The past is the past. We really do spend SO much time dwelling on our past problems and identifying with them. New Kid Syndrome runs rampant, and it’s a primary reason why many people don’t succeed at their goals. They spend so much time thinking, “Well, I can’t do this because I’m shy”, or “I won’t try because they’ll probably just say no”, that we end up just not bothering at all. We don’t pick up the phone. We don’t walk up to that person we admire and say hi. We sit in the sidelines, taking the easier road.

Do you ever watch those shows where people have really bad phobias, of water or spiders, or flying, and the cognitive therapist treats them through exposure to the thing they fear? Well, what if you tried that? Expose yourself to the things you are scared of, like picking up the phone and calling a potential customer or advertiser, and just do it. If you screw up, no matter. Just try again. There’s lots of potential customers and advertisers out there! And I guarantee, if you introduce yourself to someone at an event, and stumble on your words or forget what you want to say, they aren’t going to laugh in your face. It’s not the schoolyard, after all.

So forget your past rejections, right now. You can make that choice. Go ahead, do it. It won’t hurt a bit, I promise.

We’re all in this together. We often think that we are the only ones who think we are afraid of the things we are afraid of. Therefore, we are kind of embarrassed by it, and we keep it to ourselves. We don’t want people to think that we have fears, so we do nothing, lest we be seen as vulnerable. And none of us want to be vulnerable. That would give the impression that we’re human, or something (gasp!).

I had a wonderful phone conversation with a very kind man last week, someone who has been in the same business as me for more than 30 years. When I told him that I was afraid that I was approaching something the wrong way, he told me that essentially, we are all in the same boat. No matter how long you’ve been around, we’re all up against the same things. It’s how you choose to take the opportunities that are in front of you that makes the difference.

Let’s face it. We are all afraid of being rejected, but my wise colleague is right – if we just stop and realize that we are not alone in our fears, that everyone is afraid of something, and that not letting the fear take hold and cause inaction is key to overcoming it, then heck, we’d all be a lot better off, right?

So get off your chair, get over yourself, realize we’re all in this together…and pick up that phone.

Share/Save

I’ve recently decided to get really serious about learning to play the guitar better. I have all these friends who are so super talented at it…every time I hear and watch them play I think, “I want to try to do this too.” I may never be as good as this guy, but I am determined to work hard at it.

And as a result, my left hand is killing me.

I’ve never really had much of a relationship with my left hand. I’m very right handed. But now, I have to stretch my left hand beyond the 10 or so chords I’ve known since the 6th grade. I’m learning finger picking, scales, riffs, and all sorts of nifty tricks.

I’m realizing very quickly that in order to have the agility to do these things well, my left hand, which typically doesn’t really listen so well, has to be forced into submission. I have to make it do things that it doesn’t want to do. And I have to make it do them over and over and over again until it starts to behave. I had no idea how many muscles there are in one’s hand. There are muscles in there I didn’t even know I had. I can feel every single one.

And because I can really feel my left hand learning and stretching and growing into its new role, I am now more aware of it than ever. I’m stretching it beyond what I thought it was capable of. And I’m celebrating small successes (3 minor pentatonic scales in a row without a string buzz or screw up!)

I’m also realizing the relationship between my left and right hands now. It’s not just about getting my left pinky to stretch across the frets and land in the right spot. It’s about doing that while my right hand is plucking the correct string. If my hands aren’t willing to collaborate, the whole thing’s a bust.

Finally, I’m also very aware of my time limit with practicing. I did 2 hours the other day without a break. At the end of it, my hands were numb, and my brain wasn’t processing the new things so well. I knew that I’d overdone it. I don’t yet have the stamina built up to play at length, and I need to accept that until my strength is built up, I will have to get by on less.

So there you have it – my 3 guiding words for 2010. Stretch. Collaborate. Less. These three realizations might just be my secret to finally being a better guitar player, but they are in fact, much more.

Stretch. My left hand hurts because I am stretching it beyond what it’s been used to. Stretching means changing the shape and size of what I’m doing so I can do new things. It’s going to be uncomfortable. But it’s also going to get way easier the more I do it. The pain will subside, and then after a while, I’ll be able to see that my hard work has paid off.

Collaborate. The only way to make beautiful music is to get both hands working together. Otherwise, it’s pretty boring. The same can be said for people. Sure, there are a lot of things I want to and can do on my own. Writing this blog, for instance. It’s all mine. But as I review the many goals I’ve set for myself this year, I see that there isn’t much I’m going to want to do without other people in the mix. True collaboration is about bringing smart brains together, and creating things that are remarkable. Whether it’s music, video projects, or other creative endeavours, I have no intention of flying solo this year. It’s going to be all about creating amazing things with other people.

Less. I’ve set an ambitious goal as I fly firmly into my fortieth year. I’m going to work on less, in many aspects of my life. That doesn’t mean I’m giving up all my worldly possessions or anything…but I am going to think about how I can streamline what I do have and simplify things. I’m going to worry less. I’m going to spend less time focused on what has been or what’s coming and focus on now. I’m going to weigh less by eating less and doing more physical activity. I’m going to pay less attention to the negative people and situations that come into my life and more attention to the people and things that are important. I’m going to work with less, so I can have more. Make sense?

Three words. I’ve got them written on my board, just like last year (Connect. Difference. Positive). I’m ready to take on 2010 boldly and without looking back.

How about you?

Share/Save