And as a result, my left hand is killing me.

I’ve never really had much of a relationship with my left hand. I’m very right handed. But now, I have to stretch my left hand beyond the 10 or so chords I’ve known since the 6th grade. I’m learning finger picking, scales, riffs, and all sorts of nifty tricks.

I’m realizing very quickly that in order to have the agility to do these things well, my left hand, which typically doesn’t really listen so well, has to be forced into submission. I have to make it do things that it doesn’t want to do. And I have to make it do them over and over and over again until it starts to behave. I had no idea how many muscles there are in one’s hand. There are muscles in there I didn’t even know I had. I can feel every single one.

And because I can really feel my left hand learning and stretching and growing into its new role, I am now more aware of it than ever. I’m stretching it beyond what I thought it was capable of. And I’m celebrating small successes (3 minor pentatonic scales in a row without a string buzz or screw up!)

I’m also realizing the relationship between my left and right hands now. It’s not just about getting my left pinky to stretch across the frets and land in the right spot. It’s about doing that while my right hand is plucking the correct string. If my hands aren’t willing to collaborate, the whole thing’s a bust.

Finally, I’m also very aware of my time limit with practicing. I did 2 hours the other day without a break. At the end of it, my hands were numb, and my brain wasn’t processing the new things so well. I knew that I’d overdone it. I don’t yet have the stamina built up to play at length, and I need to accept that until my strength is built up, I will have to get by on less.

So there you have it – my 3 guiding words for 2010. Stretch. Collaborate. Less. These three realizations might just be my secret to finally being a better guitar player, but they are in fact, much more.

Stretch. My left hand hurts because I am stretching it beyond what it’s been used to. Stretching means changing the shape and size of what I’m doing so I can do new things. It’s going to be uncomfortable. But it’s also going to get way easier the more I do it. The pain will subside, and then after a while, I’ll be able to see that my hard work has paid off.

Collaborate. The only way to make beautiful music is to get both hands working together. Otherwise, it’s pretty boring. The same can be said for people. Sure, there are a lot of things I want to and can do on my own. Writing this blog, for instance. It’s all mine. But as I review the many goals I’ve set for myself this year, I see that there isn’t much I’m going to want to do without other people in the mix. True collaboration is about bringing smart brains together, and creating things that are remarkable. Whether it’s music, video projects, or other creative endeavours, I have no intention of flying solo this year. It’s going to be all about creating amazing things with other people.

Less. I’ve set an ambitious goal as I fly firmly into my fortieth year. I’m going to work on less, in many aspects of my life. That doesn’t mean I’m giving up all my worldly possessions or anything…but I am going to think about how I can streamline what I do have and simplify things. I’m going to worry less. I’m going to spend less time focused on what has been or what’s coming and focus on now. I’m going to weigh less by eating less and doing more physical activity. I’m going to pay less attention to the negative people and situations that come into my life and more attention to the people and things that are important. I’m going to work with less, so I can have more. Make sense?

Three words. I’ve got them written on my board, just like last year (Connect. Difference. Positive). I’m ready to take on 2010 boldly and without looking back.

How about you?

Every single person who attends takes away something different. And the format is not for everyone. Some people will come away changed. Some will come away with new things to think about. Some may not. And that’s okay. But I think if we don’t share what we’ve learned, then we’re not doing the event justice.

My goal here is not to centre out any one person. Again, what I took away from the conference may be entirely different than what someone else gained. I look forward to hearing other perspectives in the comments.

Lesson #1: You are not defined by what happens to you. Bob LeDrew and I have been friends for a couple of years. We met on Twitter. In fact, I don’t even think we met in person until about 6 months after we had become friends. (The Internet is funny that way.) Bob got up on Saturday to do a talk about music, something he is tremendously passionate about. I knew that it was going to be moving. And it was. But what came as a surprise to me was not his passion for music – I already knew about that. Bob, a man I’ve known for 2 years, told us two things in his talk that I didn’t know about him. Two very personal and tragic things. It came as a complete surprise to me. The thing is, the fact that he’d never mentioned these aspects of his life to me before actually wasn’t that surprising to me. Why?

Bob does not define himself by what has happened to him. Yes, it’s part of his story. But Bob is defined by his passion for music, and the way he cares about his community. This is a man who, 2 weeks ago when two local women’s shelters were tragically burned down and destroyed everything the residents had, ran around town collecting donations from anyone he could, so those women could rebuild their lives again. This is a man who opens his home to strangers once a month so he can share his passion for music. He’s got some pretty damn good reasons he could feel sorry for himself. But self pity is not in Bob’s vocabulary, and we can all learn something from this. Bad things happen to good people all the time. We question it. But instead of being defined by the tragedies in our lives, we need to accept, move forward, and replace our sadness with triumph and positivity. Only then, are we truly alive.

Lesson #2: It’s not about things. It’s about people. I had the immense pleasure of spending time this weekend with Jowi Taylor. For those who may not know, Jowi is the creator of the Voyageur guitar, a one-of-a-kind instrument custom built from 64 pieces of Canadian history. You can read the whole story on his web site at www.sixstringnation.com.

The story has a personal side for me, in that the entire front of the guitar is made from wood taken from the Golden Spruce, a sacred tree that existed on Haida Gwaii, a small island on the west coast of Canada, where I spent much of my childhood. The tree is thought to be unique in that it contained no chlorophyll, and yet managed to survive for 300 years. Tragically, the Golden Spruce was cut down by a madman in 1997. The Haida Peoples of the island equated this event to a drive by shooting. I remember my heart being shattered when I learned what this person had done.

But this story is about more than a sacred tree, or any of the other 63 elements that make up this amazing instrument. Voyageur is a symbol of a country. It tells the story of our nation through objects. But what I learned from Jowi this weekend is that it’s not about the things. Yes, they are special. But they represent stories, and stories are made up of people. Each item in Voyageur tells a story of people. Go to the web site, read them. Voyageur is a cultural icon. But it’s not intended to be stowed away in some museum somewhere. It’s meant to be shared. It belongs to us. Thousands of people have held and played that instrument. When I picked up that guitar to play it on Saturday night, I not only felt a connection to all those Canadians whose history lives inside it, but to all those Canadians who have held it and played it before me.

Jowi is a remarkable person, not because he created this thing, but because he so selflessly shares it with us. He taught me that countries are not made of things. They are made of people. Jowi Taylor makes me want to be a better Canadian.

Lesson #3: Limitations are perceptions only. I’m not an athlete/musician/dancer/math whiz, so there’s no way I could ever do that. I tell myself things like that all the time..we all do. All of us except maybe Ray Zahab. This beer swilling, junk food eating, pack a day smoking couch potato got up one morning and decided to change his life. He didn’t just resolve to eat healthier, quit smoking, and exercise. Nope. Ray decided to run. Across the Sahara Desert.

Ray told the story of how he and two friends ran across the Sahara in 111 days. He told us what he learned about the water crisis in the Sahara. He told us also how he and the same two friends trekked to the South Pole, and how youth from around the world encouraged them via the Internet all the way.

But what I learned from Ray was much more than just his remarkable story. His energy is absolutely infectious. This is a man who has NO limitations. Not one. If he sets his mind to it, he does it. Case closed. There’s no room for self doubt, anxiety or fear. He made a decision to eliminate those things from his life. Was it hard to run across the desert? You’re damn right it was. Was it hard to trek to the South Pole? Umm…yah. But just because something is hard, doesn’t mean it’s not worth doing.

People set limitations for themselves continuously. But if you listen to Ray, you’ll soon find out that limitations are only perceptions. They aren’t real. Sure, there are circumstances that may cause you to think you have a limitation. But circumstances are malleable. Everything can and will change, if you only spend some time figuring out how you’re going to change it. It goes back to Lesson #1 – you aren’t defined by what happens to you. Everyone has the power to change their lives, to do something that stretches beyond what they perceive their limits to be. Choose to have no limits, and anything is possible.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth.

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same.

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I–
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

— Robert Frost

One of the things that has always attracted me to social media is that it allows me to get a glimpse into other peoples’ lives. Reading blogs like In Over Your Head from Julien Smith, or Levite Chronicles from Jon Swanson gives me a snapshot into what someone else is thinking at that moment. Following people on Twitter like Christopher Penn and Danny Brown provides a stream of real time thoughts, feelings and inspiration. Facebook allows me to instantly answer the question “What ever happened to…?” as I pick up where I left off with friends from over the years.

We are more connected to each others’ thoughts and feelings than we have ever been. We can literally follow along as people go about their daily lives, but more than that, in an instant, we can become involved in the story. All it takes is one comment, one reply, or one small note to open up doors we never thought possible.

Thinking of how we’ve intertwined our lives thrills me. I am close friends with people I never thought I’d have an opportunity to meet. I’m doing business with people all over the world, many of whom I’ve never met in person. We’re bonded together, with some sort of technological epoxy, and that bond is not easily broken.

But an issue starts to occur when that bond becomes too significant. We begin to pay too much attention to everyone elses’ life and we start to forget our own focus. We look at all the brilliant people around us, and we start to compare ourselves to them. “Is this blog post going to measure up?”, “Am I saying the right things?”, “Am I the next [name of favourite social media guru]?”

I learn so much from my friends out here in this world. Every day I’m given new things to think about, new ways to expand my business, my career, my spirit. But the minute I start to get too wrapped up in other peoples’ thoughts and opinions, I need to take a step back. I need to get re-focused on my own path. I’ve got to check in with myself every now and again to see where I am on my path.

It’s important to have mentors, it really is. I’ve had some dandy ones, and I still do. Everyone needs people to look up to and learn about success, and failure, and everything in between. It’s all fine and well to be inspired by someone’s achievements, but never, ever, EVER aspire to be “just like” anyone.  Look around you. See those people who are succeeding the way you want to? You can have that too. But you can’t do it the same way they did. Why? Because everyone’s path is different.

Let’s say your dream is to be the CEO of your own successful company. You see someone you know doing this and you want it too; he’s building his company, getting lots of clients, speaking all over the country, and starting to rake in the dough. You begin to study how that person got there, and you start to realize a few things. First, his spouse has a really good full time job, and they were able to afford to be a one-income household for a while. Second, they don’t have kids to feed. Third, he’s got an investor on board who has put forward a good chunk of change to get things moving.

But you’re a single mom, with big rent and big bills and you absolutely can’t afford to give up your day job. You don’t have any investors, and don’t have the time or the money to travel around to try and get some, either. Suddenly your dream of having your own company starts to fade. You go back to life as you know it.

And that is where the problem lies. We spend a lot of time comparing ourselves to others. If you want to be the CEO of your own successful company, it doesn’t matter HOW you get there. What’s important is that you get there.

We all travel our own path in this life. Our lives intersect with others, sometimes very deeply, as with our family, our spouses, our friends, and our mentors. But in the end, it’s just you. You are the one who has to get out of bed every morning and decide what you’re going to do with your life.  You are the one who knows your circumstances better than anyone, and you are the only one who can decide what step to take next. Oh sure, you can ask advice from those close to you, you can read and learn and share and ask questions. But it’s you, and only you, that has to make the decision.

Lots of single moms with little time and less income become successful businesspeople. They do it because they figure out how to succeed in spite of their circumstances. They don’t compare themselves to others. They listen, and learn, and absorb information. But then they make decisions based on what they know deep down inside.

We only get one shot at this life. One shot. If we spend all our  time living through other people, trying to be just like everyone else, then we’re going to wind up on our death bed wondering why we never accomplished much. You can’t achieve anything on someone else’s hand. You get the hand you’re dealt. You must play it. So stop trying to live everyone else’s life, and start living your own.

Go on, then…what are you waiting for?

Photo credit: John-Morgan on Flickr

Once I overcame my shyness, I became much better at person to person interactions. Now I have no issue with meeting new people and striking up conversations. But the last great frontier of my shyness battle has always been stage fright. It seems kind of crazy, though – I’ve been performing in front of people for years. I’ve sung in choirs, a capella quartets, and even done the occasional duet or solo thing. I have spoken in front of people many, many times.

For a long time though, I didn’t feel like I was at my best with it. My nerves always got in the way of my performance. I was too concerned about messing up, and if I actually did hit a wrong note or lose my train of thought, I’d beat myself up about it for days. The end result was, I wasn’t really enjoying the act of performing.

One of my goals for this year was to do more public speaking. I knew this would require me, for once and for all, to get over my stage fright. I wasn’t entirely sure how I was going to do that, but just recently, I’ve figured it out. Here’s what I know now:

Watch, listen, and learn. The first thing I did on my path to being a better public speaker was watch people who are really great speakers. I spent a lot of time looking at talks given by speakers I admire, like Chris Brogan, Christopher Penn, and Seth Godin. These guys are outstanding storytellers and magnificent public speakers. I watched videos of them over and over again, and once I got the message of their talk, I’d go back and watch again to listen to the way they pieced stories together, how they used slides, how they moved around on stage. I learned a ton. I’m still learning from them all the time. Watch people you admire. Learn what makes them successful. Then don’t copy them – but integrate what you’ve learned from them, and create your own style.

Think it out. Whether it’s a musical performance or a speaking engagement, it’s really important to put some thought into things before you hop on stage. I’ve been to a few incredible musical performances lately, from immensely talented guys who know how to weave music and story into everything they do (even when their songs don’t have lyrics!). Just check out guys like Corin Raymond and Sean Cotton, David Ross Macdonald, and Jonathan Byrd when you get a chance. These guys ooze talent – and they are masterful storytellers. It takes a tremendous amount of thought, time, and effort to be an effective storyteller. You’ve got to spend time, head down, and figure out how you’re going to convey your story to your audience in compelling way. You’ve got to figure out the essence of what you are trying to say. But once you know it in your heart, the words (or the melodies) will just flow, and it’s unlikely stage fright will enter the equation at that point.

Practice practice practice. I was invited to speak at the first ever Ignite Ottawa this past Thursday night (you can read about what I talked about here). For those of you who are not familiar with the format, each speaker gets 5 minutes and 20 slides to share a message. The catch is, each slide auto-advances every 15 seconds. And I tell you – it takes a LOT of practice to get that part right. I spent the better part of a week, in all my spare moments, practicing my talk. It was to the point where as soon as I’d launch into it, the dog would just sigh and leave the room. By far the best way to combat stage fright is to practice. And practice. And then practice some more. BUT…..don’t practice too much. Learn your cut off point – because if you overdo it, it will sound too rehearsed. If you are striving for perfection, you won’t achieve it. So stop that. Practice until you can do it backwards and forwards, and then stop practicing. You’re ready.

Get over yourself. Probably the number one reason people get stage fright is because they are worried about what people will think. This was by far my biggest problem. My story was solid. I’d practiced my brains out. But I would get up on stage, and look at all those people, looking at me, waiting for me to do something, and I’d feel a rush of adrenaline to my head. My stomach would tense up, and my breathing would become shallow. I’d open my mouth and…glak. It took every ounce of courage I had to get through it. And after it was over, I’d feel like throwing up. Not really a compelling reason to want to get on stage….ever.

But then I realized something. I was getting myself all worked up, worrying about what people were thinking. I wasn’t focused on the moment. I knew I had the ability to hit the right notes, or remember the next point. But I was too distracted by all those eyes looking at me. Performing well takes focus, and the best way to maintain that focus is to be 100% completely in your performance. Connect with the audience, but don’t try to read their minds. Do what you came to do – entertain, inform, enlighten. The end result will be not only a better show, but you will have actually enjoyed being on stage.

I’ve made a lot of positive strides in the past year with overcoming my stage fright. Now I look forward to being on stage. And hopefully, what I’m doing when I’m up there has improved as well.

So what’s your take on stage fright?

As we get older, those instincts that we’re born with start to get overshadowed by outside influences. Our parents tell us when to eat “I don’t care if you’re not hungry, finish your plate”, “Don’t eat those pretzels now, you won’t be hungry for supper”. We are told when to sleep, “Bedtime is 7pm.” and then to wake up “Get out of bed, you’ll be late for school.”

Structure isn’t a bad thing – if we all slept as much as we want and ate as much as we want we’d be in a sorry state indeed. But the downside of structure is that instincts get supressed. We’re told all the time to go against our basic instincts and eventually we stop listening to our instincts entirely. Our guts tell us one thing, but our heads are conditioned to be sensible and logical. By the time we’re grownups, we’ve pretty much lost touch with our instincts, and that can be very detrimental to our success.

We all have goals, and we all spend a lot of time and energy learning how to achieve those goals. But sometimes, we spend far too much time interpreting what our outside circumstances are telling us, and not enough time on what our guts are saying. And the truth is, trusting your gut is 90% of the battle. You heard that right. 90%. So, how do we reclaim that part of us that we were born with? How do we find our instincts again?

Trust me, baby. We hear a lot out here on the Internetz about trust. Heck, Julien and Chris wrote a whole book about how to earn the trust of others. But what if we take all we know about getting others to trust us and turn it inwards? All the trust agent techniques in the world are not going to make people trust you if you don’t trust yourself first. Trusting yourself means trusting your own instincts. It means understanding the situation around you but not reacting to it. It means finding that part of yourself that just knows what to do. You have this ability, every second of the day – don’t believe me? Read on.

Let it go. Reclaiming your instincts requires you to do something that goes totally against what your “common sense” tells you. It requires you to let go, completely. In order to find that instinctual part of yourself, you need to surrender completely all of your fears, hopes, and doubts. You need to stop listening to outside influences who are trying to steer you one direction or another. You need to go silent. Then listen closely. Hear that? That’s your gut. It’s not telling you what to do like everyone else is, because it just knows. It knows what your next move is, even if your brain hasn’t got the signal yet. Letting go is the single most important thing you can do to start living instinctually.

Watch, then do. So now you are paying attention to your instincts again, great! With all those pesky doubts and hopes and fears out of the way, your path is clear. Then, a remarkable thing will happen. You’ll see a message pop up into your radar, or you’ll get a phone call or email. You’ll check with your gut. You’ll make a decision. You’ll take some action, and things will start to happen. You know those people to whom it always seems good things are just “happening”? Well those things are only happening because those people are acting from instinct. They aren’t waiting for someone to knock on the door, they are building the damn door, then walking through it! They aren’t worried about what the detractors and naysayers are shouting at them, because they are not coming from a place of doubt. They are feeling their way to success. They are acting on their finely honed instincts to say the right thing, make the right offer take the right chances, and do what it takes to move closer to their goals. People who act from instinct watch carefully what’s going on. Then they go to that place in their gut that has all the answers. Then they listen and act. Then, and only then, do they succeed.

Your instincts are an amazing thing. They are what some would call a gift from God, the Universe, Buddha, or Mother Nature. We all have them. Imagine what the world would be like if we all tapped into our instincts a little more often.

I realized all too suddenly a little while ago that I’d set some very specific goals for myself this year, and that although I was on track to achieve some things, others were getting left in the dust.

We’ve all heard the expression “Opportunity knocks”. Lots of us answer the door when we hear that knock, but we just say a friendly “hello”, have a quick conversation, and mull over some new ideas. Often, that’s where we stop.

Let’s face it, we all sit around and talk about stuff…a LOT. Some people just talk and talk (especially about social media, it seems). But how many of us are really out there, turning talk into action? How many of us are not just answering the door, but are walking through it? From what I’ve seen, those that walk through the door are ultimately way better off. So, I’ve decided to walk through the door a little more often.

Grab on and enjoy the ride. I’ve taken on some exciting new things recently, like TEDxOttawa. There are some big new projects in the pipeline for Jester as well. (I’m talking world changing stuff.) I’m also about to embark on a really exciting new online project, which I’ll tell you more about soon, once it’s official. All of these things are happening in my life because somewhere along the way, an opportunity presented itself, and instead of just sitting there looking at it, I grabbed on. I have to admit that some days I feel like I have just jumped out of an airplane and I’m not quite sure if my parachute’s been packed properly. But I’ve decided that no matter what, I’m going to enjoy the ride.

The doorbell that won’t stop ringing. Have you ever noticed that the busier you get, the busier you get? I’m about to get a lot busier. I’m walking through the door, and beyond that door there are just going to be other doors. I have made a commitment to myself to walk through them too.  I’m well aware that this is what I’ve signed up for. I’ve been watching some of my super busy friends lately, seeing how they do things, what they are changing as they go. I’ve been watching them walk through door after door and I feel more prepared than ever to handle whatever is coming my way. If you don’t want to deal with lots of ringing doorbells, then don’t walk through the door. But I suspect if you are still reading this, you’re exactly the kind of person that can’t wait to see what’s behind door #2. Or door #102, for that matter.

If you’re happy and you know it, stop for a minute. As my life ramps up to whirlwind pace over the next several weeks, I’m going to be taking time out at intervals to reflect. The last thing I want to do is let all these great things happen around me and then look back 5 years from now and not remember any of it. I’m also going to be very conscious of my family and friends, for no matter how frenzied the pace is, they are really the most important thing. Cherish every moment in your journey. Seek balance whenever you can. And never let your family and friends take a back seat to anything. No matter how much success you have, remember that true happiness doesn’t lie with bags of money or 15 minutes of fame. It lies with the people in your life that matter.

So…you’ve got lots of doors opening around you, right? And if you don’t, you’ll be heading off to find them, I’m sure. The thing is, when you do – you’ve got to make the decision fast. Are you going to merely answer the door or are you going to walk through it?

I met up with two of my favourite people from high school last night. We found each other on Facebook, of course. We discovered we all lived in the same city. Not far from each other, in fact. It’s a wonder we’ve not run into each other before now.

These guys were two of my favourites because they had all the elements of good friends. They were smart. Funny. They were there when you needed them. They were guys. (Aside from a few exceptions, I didn’t really get along with girls so well back in high school. My guy friends were my comfort zone.)

Whenever you meet someone again after a long time apart, there’s always that piece inside of you that hopes that they haven’t changed that much. That little thing in the back of your head that says “Geez…what if they turned out to be a complete weirdo? What if I don’t like them? What if they don’t like me?” High school, all over again, eh.

How do you know a true friend? There are a handful of people in my life who I can truly say, that 50 years could pass, and when we meet again, it’s like we saw each other yesterday. The two friends I saw last night, fortunately, didn’t go weird on me. We all sat down at the table, and as the stories began, it really was like we just picked up the conversation where we left off.  My friend Jon Swanson, when we met in person for the first time last Spring, told me that it’s a sign of true friendship. It’s just one continuous conversation. It could be across many miles (thanks to the Internet), or across many years. He told me that it’s true friendship, when miles and time don’t mean anything. I believe him even more now.

It comes down to stories. Everyone has a story. We told many last night. Talked about our relationships, complained about our old teachers, wondered what ever happened to…?, caught up on how our careers have gone, what kind of car we drive now. We even discovered some wacky small-world things. It’s amazing to learn peoples’ stories after a long time apart. Some things are expected (I always knew you’d end up doing such and such). Others come as more of a surprise. But it’s all down to story. Whether online or off, take the time to really listen, and learn peoples’ stories. It makes you a richer person, and you never know what new insights or ideas might be sparked by someone else’s tale.

It’s a small world after all. The Web is shrinking our world by the minute. We are more connected now than ever before, not only to new friends and new experiences, but to our past as well. We’ve all been on Facebook and found our old buddies, old boyfriends/girlfriends, even long lost relatives. Maybe not every single one of those people are people you’d want to spend time getting to know again. But we all have some who we’ve wondered more often about. When the opportunity arises to reconnect with those people, jump at it. Because bringing back old memories can not only show you how far you’ve come, it can also be very grounding.

There’s an old saying about roots and wings. I can’t remember it right now, but I can tell you, my wings are bigger because I am getting back in touch with my roots – the experiences that shaped me when I was young stay with me to this day, and when I look into the eyes of old friends, it’s like no time has passed – but I realize how much I’ve grown.

And, by the way, even though we’re not “old”, we’ve all decided we are aging marvellously.

Your dream could be anything. A better job, a nicer house, a better girlfriend, or that next big client. Dreams are a good thing to have. They give us a reason to get out of bed in the morning. But dreams are difficult to achieve.

When we see other people achieving their dreams, and ours still remain just out of our grasp, we get very frustrated. That woman just bought a beautiful cottage. That guy just sold his startup for ten million bucks. Those two seem so happy together. Other people’s dreams have come true, and you’re left wondering if yours ever will.

The Rollercoaster from Hell. I don’t like rollercoasters. Never have. Having the wits scared out of me is not really my idea of a good time. Neither is cheating death.

I’ve been an entrepreneur full time for almost 3 years now. Every single day of my life is one continuous rollercoaster ride. We reach the highest highs and the lowest lows all at the same time. The loop de loups are unbelievable. I wish that my days could have fewer ups and downs. I wish I could spend all my days celebrating success and that I’d never have to worry about failure. Or do I?

The rollercoaster ride is fundamental to dream achievement. I am truly passionate about what I do. I am completely emotionally invested in my business. It makes me laugh big fat belly laughs. It makes me cry in my pillow. It makes me want to dance with joy. It makes me want to throw things. It doesn’t make me like rollercoasters any more. But now, I just tolerate them and accept them, because they are part of the deal. No dream worth having was ever achieved on a straight road.

Hot Pursuit Never Gets You Anywhere. I remember back in high school I had a HUGE crush on this boy. He was my first love. Man, I really dug this guy. (Oh how I hope he isn’t reading this post, as I realize suddenly we are still Facebook friends.) I chased after this boy in a big way. I went out of my way to call him, to be around him, to talk to him. I was what you would call, in hot pursuit.

I chased and I chased and I chased. He was, after all, my dream guy. I was lucky he was a good person. Even though I “loved” him, the feeling was not mutual. For all my chasing, all we ever became was good friends. I was grateful for that (and still am). That experience I had at the ripe old age of 13, is a metaphor for the pursuit of dreams.

Chasing a dream never works, for a couple of reasons. First, when you chase, it’s obvious. Others notice, and they don’t see the chasing of a dream. They see desperation. And nobody wants to do business with or start dating desperation. It helps if you are a nice person, of course, because then the chasing isn’t as obvious. If you’re fun to be around, people won’t mind. They will like you. But they will always keep you at arms length because they sense your ulterior motive (i.e. I am desperate for you to be my boyfriend/client/wife/boss!) And in the end, like me and dream boy, what you may end up with is a good friend, but you won’t get your dream.

Relax. Go Do It. So what’s the solution? If I don’t actively chase my dreams, how will I ever make them happen? Well first, stop. Take a deep breath. Then stop trying so damn hard.

It’s easy to get caught up in the idea of dreams coming true. You imagine yourself on that podium getting the big award. You envision bags of money all around you. You see yourself walking down the aisle. But if the actions you are taking are only about achieving that ideal, then you are coming from a place of lack. You are wanting to be somewhere you are not. You will only be happy once you achieve your dream. And that’s the wrong place to be.

This is the downfall of dreamers. They always want to be someplace else, when where they really need to be is right where they are. Ever hear the story of the guy who was an overnight success? Flash forward two years and he’s on the street, having lost all the fame and fortune he wasn’t ready for to a life of depression and drugs.

The reason you haven’t achieved your dream yet is because you need to spend your time preparing to be able to handle it. That means working hard. Making connections. Appreciating what it’s like to be broke, or lonely (or both). Feeling exactly the way you need to feel in the situation you are in right now.

The bottom line is, you need to have dreams. You MUST have them. But until you stop demanding they come true this minute, you will be stuck in a pattern of chasing. Once you let go of your want, and start doing what you need, you’ll suddenly see a shift. And your dreams will seem closer to reality than ever before.

He’s one of the youngest-at-heart people I know. We have a running joke in our family – when talking about Dad’s age (71), we say he’s “Older than Dirt”. He thinks it’s hilarious. I think it’s ironic. Dad may be in his 70’s, but he sure doesn’t act like it. He’s in better shape than I am, and spends many of his retired days fixing, building, mowing, climbing ladders, pressure washing, and any other physically demanding domestic chore you can imagine. He also spends much of his time with his grandsons on the floor wrestling, play fighting and horsing around just like he did with us when we were kids. When he’s not doing that, he’s traveling around the world with Mom.

My Dad enjoys life. He doesn’t act old because he doesn’t FEEL old. He doesn’t FEEL old because he doesn’t let himself have that attitude. Whether he’s pressure washing the driveway, traveling the world with my Mom or hugging his grandkids, every moment is treasured.

My Dad is a pretty accomplished guy.

Dad was a member of the Canadian Armed Forces for 36 years. As any of you who are Base Brats like me will know, this means that basically your life as a kid was dictated by your Dad’s job. We moved 5 times, I went to 3 different elementary schools and 2 different high schools, in all corners of the country.

Dad was really really good at his job. So good, in fact, that in 1985 he became a Member of the Order of Military Merit, which is like the military equivalent of the Order of Canada.

My Dad worked hard through his entire career. He accomplished many great things, and made positive change in the environments he was in. He was a good leader – his colleagues looked up to him. He set the example and was rewarded for it. He never tried too hard – he simply knew what needed to be done and then proceeded to do it better than most. He never did anything FOR recognition. He did it because he cared about people and about his country.

My Dad is a pretty devoted guy.

My parents will be happily married 48 years this coming September. That’s quite an accomplishment in itself! Due to the nature of his job, Dad was away quite a bit – sometimes for 6 months at a time. He was in a pretty remote location, so we had limited contact – once in a while via HAM radio, but mostly we communicated by sending audio cassette tapes back and forth in the mail. Even though his job was very busy and very important, without fail, Dad would send us tapes, once a week or so. Much of the time he’d just be talking about us, what we were doing in school, how baseball and swimming lessons were going, that sort of thing. But it was something we knew we could rely on.

My Dad, even though he is always busy with lots and lots of important things, ALWAYS, 100% of the time, has time for his family. Family is the most important thing. Hands down. When he was home, he was entirely focused on us. The most fun was always the day Dad came home.

Thank you Dad, for teaching me three very important lessons; to appreciate every moment of life, to not be afraid to work hard for the greater good, and that family is central to everything.

Happy Father’s Day!
Love, Suze (xoxo)

(PS My Dad is the one who gave me the nickname “Suze”…just so ya know)

He thanked me publicly for taking the time out of my insane schedule to review something he’d written, and provide some suggestions. I thought that it was actually a bit strange that he did that, for I didn’t feel I was “taking time” at all. I was simply helping a friend. That doesn’t “take” time. I was “giving” time. There’s a key difference.

There are still 24 hours in the day. I’m reminded of one of my favourite quotes by Douglas Adams, “I love deadlines. I love the whooshing sound they make as they fly past my head.” Though it may seem like days are whizzing by you in a flash, the fact is, we all have the same amount of time. Every single person on the earth has 24 hours in a day.

This means you have the same amount of time as everyone else. “I’m running out of time” is a ridiculous statement, when you really think about it.

It’s not about how much time you have. It’s about what you do with the time you are given.

Lost time. I used to be a Production Assistant on live TV shows. My job was to keep the show on time. If we had to be out at exactly 59 minutes and 30 seconds, then it had to be exact, simple as that. 59:33 was unacceptable.

We were given a runsheet (a schedule of the events for the show) and I had to time each segment as it ran, then tell the director if we either needed to stretch for time, or cut time. I had multiple stopwatches, a time of day clock, pencils and paper. I can’t do math very well, but I can add time (e.g. what’s 3 minutes 45 seconds plus 1 minute 32 seconds?) like nobody’s business. I can also count out 10 seconds precisely without the aid of a timer. Makes me way fun at parties.

In live TV, we were inevitably always making up for lost time. An interview would run too long, the host would babble, or someone mistimed the taped roll-in segment. Before we knew it, we were 2 minutes over, and we had to somehow make up that time.

The first thing to do in that situation is to cut out the least important stuff. You look at the runsheet, and see a 1 minute host banter segment. Gone. A couple of interviews lose 30 seconds each. Suddenly, your show is back on time and all’s right with the world.

If you are losing time, maybe you need to make yourself a little runsheet. Write down a list of everything you do in a day and give it a timeframe. Then figure out where you need to cut, so you have more time for the important stuff. In other words…don’t spend your efforts on things that aren’t important. I guarantee that will buy you time for the things that are.

It’s about time. Let’s face it, we all have overflowing inboxes, 40 million voicemails, people demanding our time and energy. But if it’s your goal to connect with people, be helpful, and nurture your online or offline relationships, then you need to carve out the time to do that. We all have things in the day that we do to waste time (Mine’s playing Bejewelled). Mostly, that’s about procrastination, and that is a topic for another post. But if you truly want to have more time, you’ll find ways to find the time.

It’s a shift of focus. You’re not running out of time. You, like everyone else, have all the time in the world.