I went out with a friend last night that I hadn’t seen in a while. We met up downtown, went to a jazz club, had a bite to eat and “caught up”. We yakked about all sorts of things…music, mutual friends, and our respective neighbourhoods. But there was one topic that came up only briefly…work. And you know what? It was refreshing. 

People who know me might not believe this, but I’m not always the most sociable person in the world. I don’t particularly care for big social events, which is why you’ll only ever see me at a handful of them. One of the reasons is because of what has long been a pet peeve of mine…the “What are you up to?” question. 

It’s not so much the question itself that bugs me, it’s the implication of it. When asked that question, most of us feel obligated to launch into a big speech about our jobs, how busy we are, how many clients we have. To make matters worse, once the can of worms is open, the asker of the question, with only the best of intentions, usually wants more details. “What kind of projects are you doing?” “Tell me more about what you’re actually teaching in that class!” Then the conversation sometimes turns judgmental: “You’re so busy, be careful you don’t overdo it!” “Do you really think you can sustain a business in this economy?” “I don’t know how you find the time to stay so active online…when do you get any real work done?” and my favourite one “Must be nice to be able to do what you love. You’re so lucky.” (All of these are actual things people have said to me at social events at one time or another.)

The problem with the “what are you up to?” question is that most of us are answering it incorrectly, because we tend to be completely defined by our work. If we don’t launch into our big speech about how busy our work is, we are certain the other person is going to think, “Gosh, when I asked what was new, he didn’t mention his business. Maybe things aren’t going so well”. So we over-compensate.

But caring about other peoples’ perception of our “success” is only part of it. The other part (and I think for many people, a big part), is that we use our professional lives as a sort of protective barrier. If we focus on talking mostly about work in our conversations, then we don’t leave ourselves vulnerable to ever getting too “personal”. 

What I’m learning, and I think the reason I’ve been feeling so irked by this lately, is that I am craving more personal conversations. Like most people, I work many hours every week. I spend much of my time nose deep in running a business and teaching. So, when I’m on social time, sometimes the last thing I want to do is continue to talk about my job. I don’t want to explain the details of my latest video project because I’ve just spent the whole day with it. I don’t want to talk about the topics of my courses because I’ve just spent the whole day talking about it. And frankly, I don’t only want to hear your stories from the trenches either.

Maybe I just want to hear a story about YOU.

In the online world, it’s easy to get wrapped up in all-business, all the time. It’s easier to make your social media accounts “professional”, because that way you’re less vulnerable. But you know what? Just like with in-person interactions, people who talk about work continuously can get pretty boring after a while. If your social accounts are intended to be “just professional”, then I’m never getting the chance to see who YOU are. You are defining yourself by what you do for a living.

Here are two things to try. First, the next time you meet up with people in a social situation, make an effort to not discuss work. If someone asks you what you’re up to, say something like “I’ve started doing 30 minutes of yoga every morning, and now I can almost touch my toes!”. Or, “You’ll never believe what happened when I was walking the dog today!” Also avoid asking your friends about their work. Instead, ask them what great movie they’ve seen lately, or how their Mom is doing.

Second, in the online world, consider dropping your “business only” philosophy. Try sharing some links to other things you’re interested in, like gardening, or a great band. Have a light hearted chit chat with someone on Twitter. Or (gasp) actually post what you had for lunch. Amazing conversations and connections come out of lunch talk. 

But most of all, stop defining yourself by what you do for a living. That doesn’t mean you can’t be passionate about it or love what you do. But become more aware that underneath that great project, and underneath your expertise and long hours, is who you really are.

That’s the person I want to know.

 Photo by Kaptain Kobold

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All my life, I have loved learning. If I don’t know something, I will work and work at it to figure it out. (Well, except algebra, but that’s another story.) 
When I was growing up, you could always find me in a corner of the house, drawing pictures, painting, or reading. My parents did not allow boredom in our house. There was always something to do and something new to learn. And my folks taught by example – to this day you can often find my Dad with his nose in some sort of history or 10 Wonders of the World book. Learning never stops.
 
I find there’s one part of learning that often gets overlooked, and that’s practice. I can read 1000 blog posts about social media, drop $500 or more on a course about it, but if I don’t start a Twitter account or begin blogging on a consistent basis, I will never really understand anything.
 
Understanding takes practice. Practice takes effort. Practice means slogging away at it and making mistakes. 
 
I think it’s the making mistakes part that hangs people up. 
 
The Journey of a Thousand Miles
I have been working on taking better care of myself lately. With my business ramping up to all new levels, taking on more responsibilities at Algonquin College, and working on some volunteer projects, I realize how important it is to maintain a healthy body, mind and spirit. That means getting plenty of sleep, eating well, exercising, taking quiet time for myself, and dropping some pounds. All of these are areas at which I’ve tried and failed multiple times.
 
But I’ve realized, although I have read all the articles on healthy eating, though I have learned some yoga and how to work out, and that I know how to meditate and go to bed on time, I haven’t been practicing. And because I haven’t practiced, I don’t really understand. I haven’t done the work. 
 
The Whole Enchilada
Our problem with practice comes because we only ever focus on the end result. We want to be successful with our social media efforts overnight. We want to wake up tomorrow 40 pounds lighter. But when push comes to shove, and we realize that in order to get social media working for us, we have to devote several hours per week over many months to do it, we never start. When we realize that losing the weight is going to take putting down the bag of chips and practicing daily movement of our stiff, unflexible bodies, we decide to start tomorrow or next week instead. 
 
The whole enchilada is too overwhelming. When we can only see the end of the road in our sights, we become afraid of how much work it will be to get there. It stops us in our tracks.
 
Just One Bite
Learning is easy. Figuring out what we have to do is pretty simple too. Practice is hard, but it’s the only way to true understanding.
 
The best way to practice is not to consider the end. Consider the step you need to take next, and only that step. If that’s setting your alarm for 6am so you can wake up the next morning and exercise, then let the practice be that. If it’s sitting down and writing just one blog post, it’s that. Don’t think “I have to start blogging more, I have so much writing to do.” Think, “I’m going to write this post now.” Think, “I am going to eat this healthy salad for lunch now.” 
 
Then just repeat doing that one thing over and over again. What you’ll soon realize is that every one thing you do is practice. And if you do one thing often enough, then time doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter that it took you 6 months to have a significant body of work on your blog. It doesn’t matter that it took you 5 months to lose the 40 pounds. Because all along, you were just doing one thing at a time. 
 
And now, you haven’t just learned. You understand.
 
So go. Practice one thing. Then repeat. 
 
[photo by Martin Gommel]
 
 
 

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A few years ago, my friend Chris Brogan inspired me for the first time to create three words at the beginning of a new year. I’m not one for new year’s resolutions, but “three words” is a practice that has developed into somewhat of a tradition for me. 
 
My three words get posted in a prominent place in my office (usually my whiteboard) and stay there for the year. They are words I use to guide my work, life and spirit, and they serve as simple reminders, especially on those days when I am struggling and questioning my ways (and sometimes my sanity).
 
For 2011, my words were Intersections, Freedom, and Curiosity. 
 
Intersections was about positioning – putting myself at the centre of things, instead of the sidelines, where I tend to be more comfortable. It was about finding opportunities and inserting myself in them when it felt right to do so. As a result I was able to do more professional speaking, increase my role in important education and technology projects at Algonquin College, and get involved in wonderful non profit events like Cracking Up the Capital. 
 
Freedom was about continuing to develop projects that I cared about, in my business, my teaching and personal worlds. I learned that by focusing on the things my business partner and I cared about, we were able to attract and build relationships with the kinds of clients to which we can provide real value. We have the freedom to choose our projects and we have structured our company so we both also have the freedom to follow our other passions as well.
 
Curiosity was about not being afraid to ask more questions. I learned this year to speak up more when I don’t understand and to be less afraid to ask about things. As a result I found myself involved in more interesting conversations and projects. Curiosity didn’t kill the cat…it made her smarter. 
 
So that brings us to 2012.
 
My three words took some time to develop this year, but I’m excited about them. They are: Simplify, Embrace,  and Teach.
 
Simplify is about deciding for myself what is most important and getting rid of anything that doesn’t serve a purpose. That includes clutter, tasks, projects, and in some cases relationships. (don’t freak out- when I say relationships I’m not talking about close friendships or my marriage! :) ) rather, relationships that just don’t serve me anymore…that could be a relationship with a vendor, or a service provider, etc). The objective is to scale back to only the essentials, which I think will save me time, stress and money in the end.
 
Embrace is about embracing everything life throws at me, warts and all. This is something I’ve typically been pretty terrible at in the past. As my Mom, my husband and my business partner will attest to, I am a chronic worrywart. I worry about not having enough to worry about. So for me, embracing is all about accepting everything that is thrown at me, and dealing with what comes without it throwing me into a tailspin of worry and stress. Stress and me do not get along in the long term, and usually it eventually takes me out in some physical way (like how I’ve spent the past three days flat out in bed with the stomach virus from hell). So for 2012, I’ll be learning to embrace and appreciate everything that comes my way. Bring on the good, the bad and the ugly!
 
Teach is about continuing to do something that I love in the biggest, boldest and best way I can. I’ve learned that for me, teaching is one of the most satisfying things I do. I have confidence now that I am capable of opening whole new worlds to people, and that makes me very excited. I love showing people new things, and most of all I love helping people realize their own talent and potential. I want to extend this ability I have to teach in 2012…to my clients and my students. I want to continue to open doors for people and find new ways to use technology to make learning more fun and engaging. 
 
So there you have it…three words. I’m excited for all the possibilities the coming year holds. Happy new year and may you have abundant peace, love, joy and success in 2012! 
 
And your three words are….
 
 
 
 
 
 

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For many of us, this is the final week of work before the Christmas holidays. We are winding down, tying up loose ends and looking forward to taking a break from our daily grind.

It’s also the time of year when many posts start to appear on social networks and blogs talking about “shutting off” and “going dark” for the holidays. People are talking about the merits of “disconnecting” from the web altogether – shutting off Twitter and Facebook, turning off their cell phones, all in an effort to get away from the horrible distraction of the Internet, to get a break from the apparent mayhem that is the online world.

Some people even act as if the Web itself is a bad thing – “Oh, I simply HAVE to shut down over the holidays, and focus on what’s REALLY important.”.

I’m having nothing of it.

Work vs. Play in the Online World

I have every intention of not working over the holidays. I will set my out of office email notification, wish a happy holiday to my colleagues, and not think about work till the new year. It’s been an insane 6 months, so I really do need the break. The downtime from the day to day busyness of running a business and teaching will do me a lot of good. I’ll be able to do the things I enjoy, like hanging out with my family and friends, doing some writing and hopefully a pile of reading too.

Taking a break over the holidays is vitally important, and we all need to do it. Absolutely. But while I may not be a slave to my email for the next couple of weeks, I will not be “disconnecting”. Not by a long shot. Why? Because for me, there’s a big difference between using the Web for work and using it for fun. And if my holidays are about relaxing and having fun, why would I deny myself this great source of a good time? I’ve separated my work life and play life online to the point now where I can happily exist in either world (or in both at once).

Family and Friends First

I believe that family and friends are the most important thing. In the past I’ve made the mistake of putting my work before my family and friends, and over time I have learned the error of my ways. This was made even more apparent this past week when an old friend of mine passed away suddenly at the age of 42. I went to the visitation on Thursday night and it was an overwhelming experience. The room was packed full of his family and friends, everyone there to honour him and remember what a great guy he was. We shared memories of the good old days and there were a lot of smiles and good thoughts. We remembered what a great friend, husband, son and Dad he was, and we shed tears for the people he’s left behind.

We do get too wrapped up in our day to day grind. We spend all of our time focused on making the next buck, on climbing up and up and up the ladder of success. The holidays hit, and we take advantage of having a few days of no email and voicemails, and instead of spending time with our family, we spend the time setting goals for the coming year. Instead of stopping, taking a look around and appreciating the people in our lives, and sharing some time with them, we spend most of our time distracted about what’s coming our way after the holidays.

We forget the people that are right in front of us. And we also forget that nowadays, they not only exist in the physical world, but they are online too.

My husband’s family is in Manitoba, and we can’t make it out there for the holidays this year. So we’ll eagerly check Facebook on Christmas morning to see the photos of our new niece’s first Christmas. We’ll look forward to a Skype video call with the family later on in the day. I’ll look forward to waking up on Christmas morning and sending a cheery “Merry Christmas” text to Jon and Nancy. I’ll be thrilled when I get my annual “Merry Christmas” greeting from Diane on Twitter. I’ll follow along on Facebook as Marc and Emily’s kids open their gifts while Greg and I and welcome my parents over for our annual Christmas breakfast. As we open our own gifts, and head out for Christmas dinner at Mom and Dad’s, I’ll check in periodically to see how everyone else’s day is going. I’ll send texts to friends wishing them a happy day and maybe I’ll indulge in an old-fashioned phone call or two as well.

I’ll spend my day firmly planted in both the online and offline world. I don’t see how it’s necessary or fair to “disconnect” my online family and friends.

Of course, I won’t be head-down in my iPhone all day long. I will be focused on the people and things around me. But it’s different now. I live offline and I live online. It’s all my real life. And the people I love are in both places – in the room in front of me and out here, on the Web. It doesn’t make sense for me to leave a whole group of my loved ones out just because they happen to be part of my online world.

It Comes Down to This

We each get to decide how we spend our time, especially our downtime. While it’s important to take a break and not be all “work work work”, it’s also important to remember that the holidays are a time to connect with the people who are important to you. Tell them how special they are, and how important they are to your life. Savour every minute of the time you get to spend with the people you love, whether it’s a day spent with your family or a 140 character exchange on Twitter with a distant friend. I’ve been reminded this week how little time we really have to do this, and how it can all disappear in an instant.

The holidays are not about “disconnecting”. If anything, they are about connecting even more.

Oh, and Mike, if you’re out there somewhere….”THOCK”. This one’s for you.

[photo credit: Mukumbura]

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I don’t often write really personal posts (unless I do), but I turn 41 on Sunday, and I’m feeling more than a little reflective this week. I have also been inspired by my friend C.C. Chapman who wrote this beautiful post this morning about being thankful.

Now, this isn’t going to be a woe-be-gotten post about the perils of middle age, or anything like that. In fact, it’s probably going to be quite the opposite. You see, being 40 has been pretty great for me. I’ve learned a lot this year, and all the things my (only slightly older) and wiser friends like Jon Swanson and Scarborough Dude say are, well, becoming truer and truer by the day.

We always hear analogies of long roads, long journeys, especially when talking about life. But I’ve learned at 40 that the road isn’t long – in fact it’s pretty short. But as we age, if we choose, our road doesn’t have to seem shorter, if we figure out how to make it wider.

I used to worry about biting off more than I could chew. I would hesitate to get involved in new things, for fear that I’d fail. Then I recall my parents at my age. They were always on the go – full time jobs, and numerous community activities. They weren’t just going to PTA meetings. They were starting community TV stations, and raising money for disabled kids, and making their world a better place, all while raising two great kids (if I do say so myself). Their road was very wide, and it encompassed many things. But most importantly, they were finding ways to be helpful, and to contribute to their work and their community.

I have learned for myself this year, that the road is indeed wider than it is long. For the past several years, I have been solely focused on my business and making money. But at 40, I have learned that there’s more to it than that. I realized that the first thing you need to do is find ways to help people. I have more than 20 years of experience in the field of media and communications. I have been involved in music performance for more than 30 years. There’s something in that. I have realized that at 40, I have the ability, experience and confidence now to use what I’ve learned over the years to help others. So I looked around and I discovered places where I could be helpful. Then I simply offered my help.

At almost 41, I’m no longer just going day by day, working away endlessly for clients, students and my community, hoping to reap the rewards of a big paycheque and a pat on the back. I am now entirely focused on helping my clients tell their stories better. I am helping my students be more successful. And I’m being helpful to causes in my community that are important to me. This one simple shift in my attitude, from getting to giving, has changed everything.

My road isn’t long. None of our roads are. But boy oh boy is my road wide. I am having so many rich experiences now because I’m able to be helpful in so many places. And the curious thing is, the minute I took my focus off making buckets of cold hard cash and put my focus on widening my road so I could be more helpful to more people, the money part started to sort itself out.

At 41, I am finally starting to feel like I’m hitting my stride. When I turned 40 last year, a switch went off in my head and suddenly, I cared a lot less about what other people think, and I’ve just set out to find my own path on my road. Others have told me they’ve had the same experience at this age.

What it comes down to is, none of us knows how long our road is. But we can control how wide we make it. Widen your road, be as helpful as you can, and the rest will fall into place.

[photo by Pensiero]

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